Falling in LOVE with Cloth Diapers

I absolutely LOVE cloth diapering. I never imagined how much I would enjoy it! I mean, they are diapers after all.

How it All Got Started

My husband and I decided the summer before my son was born to go the cloth diaper route. Initially my reason for looking into it was cost savings.

Before researching cloth diapers, I was doing a cost analysis of a list I had made for everything I thought we needed for the baby. I actually researched approximately how many diapers we might need in the first year and the cost was staggering. It was something like $1,500. Wowza!

My husband and I have been making gradual changes for a couple years now to try to lead a less wasteful life style, and try to save and make money where we can. We garden vegetables and herbs, compost, recycle metal, hang dry our laundry, and are looking into commuting by bike rather than car. Once we have some land, we plan to do a lot more.

So right off the bat, the first thing we liked about the possibility of cloth was the idea of reusing diapers rather than a one-and-done approach.

We liked that many of the diapers we bought would last from newborn stage right on through potty training! We especially liked the idea of using diapers for more than one child.

Making the Decision to Cloth Diaper

The truth is I didn’t know anything about cloth diapering. No one in my world used them. So I searched and read as much as I could online. Interestingly enough, both my mother and my husband’s mother cloth diapered with us, but didn’t like it. They both thought we were crazy for considering it, seeing it as unnecessary in this day and age. (They have been surprised at the options now available compared to 30 years ago!)

Before I actually decided cloth was for us, I decided to look into how I might save money buying disposable diapers. I read some crazy articles about constantly watching out for sales at six different stores, and buying in bulk and creating stock piles of different sized diapers and such. Those articles I read mentioned how I never needed to pay more than $.17 per diaper – a deal which I couldn’t find on my own as I have yet to learn the art of couponing. (A work in progress.)

There were a few things that made this approach unappealing for me, not the least of which was the uncertainty of just HOW MANY diapers I would need. If I was to stockpile diapers of various sizes, how was I to know what was enough…or worse, too many. It seemed easy to fall into the trap of wastefulness once again.

Another reason I didn’t want to go this route was because I’m not a big fan of shopping. Oh yes, I love to go shop for a new dress for myself, a gift for my husband, or toys for my son every now and then – and motherhood has certainly made me appreciate those trips to the grocery store as a way of “getting out of the house”.  However, the thought of watching for sales like it was my job, and bouncing around from store to store looking at clearance sales was almost stressful for me. I do love online shopping though.

Not What I Expected

So my search for the most cost effective and easiest diapering method led me to cloth diapering. Let me be honest that this did not appeal to me at all at first. I decided to really do my due diligence, and pressed on. I read article after article, and blog post after blog post.

I needed to know HOW to cloth diaper. I had never even seen a cloth diaper before! I quickly realized there were several types of cloth diapers, so I had to read to overcome that learning curve as well. Then, I needed to know WHICH cloth diapers were best. What type? What brand?

When I started my research, I was fully expecting to learn how to use a large safety pin (just like I had seen in stork bringing the baby cartoons), to pin in a towel that I was attaching to my baby. I expected to learn the trick of pinning this towel without sticking him, and then I imaged my child crinkling about as he sported the plastic pants I’d inevitably be buying for him.

Three things surprised me, as I began my cloth diapering education:

  1. I was surprised that all these women whose articles I was reading, truly loved cloth diapering.
  2. I was surprised at all the different cloth diaper options out there. It’s not like it was 30 years ago when we were babies.
  3. I was surprised at how easy clothing diapering truly is.

Here are 5 Reasons Why I LOVE Cloth Diapering!

  1. Cost Savings. I could go into great detail about how many of which type of cloth diaper is better. Naturally since there are different types of diapers, the prices vary. For the super thrifty, cloth diapers can even be purchased used from second hand stores, other crunchy mamas, and online marketplaces. The cheapest option I found is using prefolds with covers. The concept here is that the cover can be used multiple times (2-4x) and the prefold diaper replaced at each changing. To get started, I bought 36 prefolds (12 in a smaller size and 24 in a larger size), and 6 covers. From my experience this was probably more than I needed. The covers were about $15 to $25 each new. (I bought two different brands and the characters and prints may vary.) The prefolds were about $25/dozen. I also got a few special inserts to help with extra absorbency to get us through the night. For convenience only, I have since purchased (used from a second-hand store) “all-in-2” diapers, in which an absorbent insert is put in a shell, and this entire package is used once before washing. These were about $7 each. (If you decide to buy 2nd hand, I do recommend stripping the diapers first. Click here for great information on stripping diapers. Click here for great information on proper wash routines for cloth diapers.) This is much more than what is needed for one day. With all these diapers, I can go 3 or 4 days between washes, so I only do two extra loads of laundry a week. So, with the diapers, and diaper paraphilia (diaper pail, diaper pail liner, and wet bags, and diaper sprayer (not needed until my baby started solids), and the modern day “safety pin”, snappies!), my cost to get started was about $400.
  2. Versatility. One of my cousins asked me what my theme was regarding purchasing baby items. When I asked her what she meant, she said, “Like for me, I wanted things that were easy!” “Oh,” I replied. “I want things that last me as long as possible – from as early on after birth to toddler hood, if possible.” And THAT is precisely what cloth diapers do! Many cloth diapers come in “one size”. The ones I purchased are for children 8-35 pounds. (8 pounds? But what about babies who are born smaller than 8 pounds? Honestly, I used disposable newborn diapers with my son for the first several weeks. They do have cloth diapers that are made especially for newborns, but since this stage is so short, and there are meconium (sticky, dark, tar-like substance) poops in the beginning that are difficult to clean and can easily stain cloth diapers, I decided to use disposable at first.) However, since that stage we have loved using our Rumparooz diaper covers with snaps and prefolds!
  3. Durability and Absorbency. My husband and I recently took a trip out of state, and to avoid taking an extra suitcase just for cloth diapers, we went ahead and bought a small pack of disposable diapers. Although they served their purpose, they were so much more flimsy than the cloth diapers we have come to depend upon. My husband and I both agreed that anytime my son urinated, the pee smell was much stronger than when he is wearing cloth diapers. The disposables seemed to be plenty absorbent. When my son did do the dreaded “number two”, the smell was much more pungent than with cloth. Throwing it in the trash wasn’t enough to mask the smell even though it has a lid. It needed to be tossed in the dumpster outside! His cloth diapers, though, work wonderfully at preventing blowouts. I remember when my son was only a few weeks old, how the mess would escape his newborn disposables. Yucky! The cloth diapers are also incredibly strong and can last through several baby bums worth of diapering. I will say that not every brand is created equal. I have not been particularly impressed with the Bummis brand cover with velcro. The velcro has not shown itself to have the same quality as the other brands with velcro I purchased. Thirsties Duo Wrap hook and loop have been great diaper covers and the velcro still looks like new after 10 months of use. (We use velcro covers at night to get a more fitted diaper and better control leaks – aka No Leaks!)
  4. Adorability! Anyone who has ever seen a baby in just a diaper has probably said, “Cute!” Cloth diaper takes the diapered bum up to a whole new level of ADORABLE! With so many cloth diapering types and brands, a diaper has now become a cute accessory and a part of an outfit. There are so many color choices, not to mention fun designs and characters.
  5. Better for Sensitive Skin. My son has very sensitive skin, which we expected even before he was born as both my husband and I do also. Cloth diapers, when washed properly, are a terrific option for babies who experience diaper rashes. In our recent experience with disposables, my son had a bout of diaper rash which quickly healed once we were back home and he went back to his cloth diapers. If you are using cloth and do need a cloth diaper friendly diaper rash cream, I recommend using the all natural version of Boudreaux’s Buttpaste (green tube). It’s worked very well for my son.

So if you’re just starting out as a first time parent, or maybe have already started down the road of disposable diapers well into your third kiddo but are curious about cloth diapering, go ahead and take the plunge. Even if you just buy one or two to get you started so you can see how they work and compare to disposable, this is a great start! All I can say is I have not been disappointed in the decision to go cloth!

Here is a really thorough resource on cloth diapers.

NOTE: Feel free to look through the different sizes and colors on the products links I shared throughout the post. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask!

Read More

Early Morning Adventure

Two mornings ago, around 4:30, I was putting my son back to sleep after a feeding. He fell asleep quickly, and I laid him in his crib. I then proceeded to get a drink of water and use the bathroom. After washing my hands, I was suddenly very aware of how dry they were.

By the dim light of the small night light we keep in the bathroom, I saw a large bottle of lotion and quickly pumped a generous amount onto my hands. I worked it over my fingers and hands, then deciding what I was doing was a good thing, I continued up my arms and past my elbows.

As I stood there in those few seconds, moisturizing, I felt like I was doing a good thing for myself, and then the moment came when I recognized the scent of what I was lathering onto my arms and hands.

That’s Not Lotion

Oh no! I thought. Tired, my moment of pride passing quickly, I rolled my eyes and held up the bottle to the night light to confirm what my nose had told me. I shook my head as I read the word, SHAMPOO.

Sticky. Thick. Goopy. SHAMPOO! I took a step toward the sink and turned on the faucet, where I proceeded to rinse off my mishap.

A few minutes later, I crawled back into bed (smelling really good I might add), and with my hands just as dry as they had been when this wee morning hour adventure began.

So, if you’re ever in need of a little excitement in your life, just follow the advice of the ol’ marketing ploy. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Or in my case, Lather. Panic. Rinse. And go back to sleep!

Proverbs 17:22a “A joyful heart is good medicine…”

Read More

My Experience with Lip and Tongue Ties

My son had trouble from the beginning latching on to breastfeed. When my milk came in three days after he was born, he was really struggling because my breasts were so full. (That can be difficult for any newborn even without ties).

I had a lactation consultant out and she watched us through the feeding and gave us some tips and gave us an A+. I guess because I had studied so much, I must have been compensating for any issues that were happening, because the outward perception was we were doing great.

By day five, I knew we were having a problem because he was hungry and frustrated but he wouldn’t eat. The LC had mentioned a possible lip tie, but I didn’t know what that was so it didn’t click for me that he had a birth defect. I just thought I wasn’t doing something right. On top of that, my nipples hurt. They were cracked and bleeding. (To read about those first days breastfeeding my son, click here.)

We went in for his check ups and he wasn’t gaining weight at all, so we started supplementing and went back to the LC. Now that he was a little older she said the tie wasn’t stretching and recommended we have it released. His tongue also looked fine, but as we found out at the pediatric dentist, he had a posterior tongue tie in addition to the lip tie.

When my son was just three weeks old we had both his lip tie and tongue tie revised with a surgery called a frenectomy.

What are Tongue Ties and How Do They Affect Breastfeeding?

I didn’t know anything about ties, so hopefully this will enlighten any of our readers. Basically, all over our bodies we have various frenulum, which is a small fold of tissue that prevents an organ in the body from moving too far. This tissue in my son’s upper lip and under his tongue were too restrictive, and both can cause problems with feeding, especially breastfeeding, (although it can cause issues with bottle feeding as well).

A tongue tie hinders the up-and-down motion of the tongue, which affects breastfeeding in that it is directly linked to low milk supply because there is not enough milk extracted from the breast.

With a posterior tongue-tie, the tongue does not extend over the gum, which causes the tongue to chew, or as I like to call it, “chomp” on the nipple.

How Do Lip Ties Affect Breastfeeding?

With a lip tie, the baby is unable to latch effectively. This is because the lip is hindered from flanging outward during a feeding. The mouth is unable to open wide and a smaller mouth opening means a shallower latch. So all the pain I was feeling was a combination of the tongue chewing on my nipple and my son sliding his latch down to just nurse on the nipple.

When breastfeeding correctly, you want a deep latch that includes the areola as well as the nipple. The lips form a much more effective seal when it is formed with the mucous membrane inside the lip, rather than the dry part of the outward lip. (This latch is correct, and thus pain-free!)

These ties were causing pain for me and beginning to cause me to have low milk supply because my son wasn’t able to latch properly or extract enough milk. In turn, this caused him to not gain weight and get labeled FTT.

Surgery to Release the Ties

The out-patient surgery, (or surgeries I should say), were very quick. Of course, before the surgery I was extremely emotional (being just three weeks postpartum, plus all we had been through with his sluggish weight gain and the crazy feeding routine we were following to get him to gain). It was the first time our son had ever been out of sight of either my husband or me.

Our pediatric dentist was  recommended to us by my lactation consultant and he was such a kind and reassuring doctor. He was great with our tiny son and with us. When I inevitably started the waterworks, he said gently, “It’ll be OK mom.”

So they took my son into the other room and he had the laser surgery to remove both ties. It took less than 15 minutes. Due to the fact it was a laser surgery, there was no bleeding and very little inflammation. We were told we could give him Tylenol and use a numbing agent if needed. The only post-op care he needed, besides the mild pain relief, was very simple. We had to run our finger over the wounds both under his lip and under his tongue to keep the frenulum from reattaching.

We were also advised not to use coconut oil to aid in achieving a deeper latch, because it was such an effective healing agent.

Did Releasing the Ties Aid Breastfeeding?

The short answer is, yes. Some people see results right away and for others it takes time. We fell into the latter category. I believe that in those three weeks my son hadn’t been building the muscles he needed to breastfeed, so he had a lot of weaknesses in his mouth and jaw. We saw a speech pathologist to help strengthen these weaknesses. The release of both the lip and tongue tie, coupled with the help of the speech pathologist did lead to my son’s exclusively breastfeeding before he turned 3 months old.

Why Go Through All the Trouble to Breastfeed?

It was very important to both my husband and to me that I breastfeed my son. There are so many incredible benefits to breastfeeding a baby.

Also, lip and tongue ties can lead to other issues besides early feeding struggles, to include:

  • trouble with feeding an older baby or toddler solids,
  • speech challenges, and
  • dental problems.

So although breastfeeding was our main catalyst for having the ties released, we wanted to help our son avoid additional challenges later on as well.

For more information about the benefits of breastfeeding, read 15 Amazing Benefits of Breastfeeding.

Tell Us About Your Experience and Leave a Comment Below!

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4: 6-7

Read More

You’re Not Alone

I’ve mentioned previously, that my breastfeeding journey with my son was atypical to say the least. For some mother and baby pairs, it truly is the easiest thing in the world. Whereas for others, it’s one monster short of a nightmare. You are not alone. Over 90% of mothers report having breastfeeding struggles in those early months.

So here are the breastfeeding basics, as well as some things I learned on my more difficult road. Again, I will emphasize, the struggle was totally worth the ultimate goal of exclusively breastfeeding, so I hope this will encourage new Mamas to stick with it!

Forming a Good Latch

When your baby is born, his mouth is tiny. Depending on your breast size and shape, you may have to do some creative manipulating in order for your baby to have a proper and deep latch. When latched properly, your baby will not cause you pain. Also, the deeper the latch, the more effectively your baby will be able to transfer milk.

Creating a C

When breastfeeding books and LC’s say to create a C with your hand, it may help you to know you’re going to be smushing your boob. So take your hand and gently smush the front of your breast to form a shape your baby’s mouth can get a handle on. If you are like me, you may end up needing to hold cross-cradle with one arm and use the other hand to hold the breast for your baby while he eats.

More than You Think

When I talk to other mothers who recount their breastfeeding experience from the beginning, many (including me) are surprised that the baby’s mouth doesn’t just need to surround the nipple, but much of the areola as well. The nipple is the conduit for the milk to flow, but it’s actually the areola that, when stimulated, activates the letdown reflex. More noticeably, a shallow latch containing just the nipple is guaranteed to be a painful one.

Lip Flange

You want your baby’s lips to flange outward. (Think fish lips.) The mucous membrane on the inside of the mouth should be around the breast, rather than the dry, outer part of the lip. This will help your baby get a deeper latch. If the lip is flipped inward, it WILL HURT, so go ahead and take a finger and gently slide it under that top lip to encourage baby not to curl his lip under. Some women use coconut oil or even a little of their own spit to aid in getting the lips to flange. You may also want to ask a healthcare professional to check for a lip tie, as these can hinder breastfeeding efforts.

Placement of the Tongue

When properly latched, your baby’s tongue should come up over the bottom gum line to create a seal around your breast. The up and down motion of the tongue is what aids in proper milk extraction. This is good news when your baby gets older and gets his bottom teeth first as there shouldn’t be any unintentional biting or teeth grazing going on.

Is My Baby Getting Milk?

Now that your baby is latched, how will you know if he is getting milk? Here are a few things to watch for:

Sucks and Swallows

Take a look at your baby’s jaw as he suckles. Are you able to count the times he sucks and then see him swallow? The ratio should be low – 1:1 or 1:2. If he seems to be suckling a lot before actually swallowing, this may indicate there is a problem with milk transfer, and you may want to consider seeing a lactation consultant and asking them about breastfeeding friendly speech pathologists. In the case of my son, he had a lip tie which hindered proper milk transfer, and he needed the speech pathologist’s exercises to strengthen his mouth and jaw. You will also want to monitor the number of wet and soiled diapers as well as proper weight gain to help ascertain your baby is getting enough milk.

Posture

Posture is a great way to tell that your baby is getting milk and is feeding enough. As you begin to nurse your baby, take a look at your baby’s posture. Chances are at the beginning of the nursing session, his body may be tense, elbows bent, with his hands up by the face, and his hands making a fist. This is a hungry baby. (Read about more early hunger signs here.) As your baby continues to nurse, he will slowly relax. His arm will come down or be easily pulled to his side and his hands will relax as he unclenches his fists. This is a sated baby.

Trust Your Gut and Ask Questions.

I remember in those weeks before the birth of my baby, I researched everything from the type of high chair I would use to what to expect during labor. I failed miserably to do enough research about caring for my baby after he was born. I was the oldest child of six, after all. What could I possibly need to know? *eye roll*

After my son was born, and we took him home, I was actually embarrassed by everything I didn’t know, and I didn’t want to ask a lot of questions because I didn’t want anyone to question my ability as a parent. In hindsight, every first time parent is in the same boat, and I had nothing to be embarrassed about. So, feel free to ask questions from those around you or call your care provider when in doubt. If you think something is off or you don’t understand, trust yourself and your spouse.

Those first hours after your baby is born, you both are tired and excited, and oh yes, your hormones are crazy too. It’s hard to remember all the instructions that are given to you. So call back that LC and ask the questions again. Repetition is a good thing for learning, and this is after all a new learning experience.

Oh and if you are not a first time parent, that doesn’t mean you should remember everything just because you did this once or a few times before. Ask those questions. If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it 100 times, “Every baby is different.” Don’t forget, online research is your friend too.

Enjoy this journey with your baby. It is so fulfilling and special.

 

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.”
James 1:17

 

Read More

Note: In this article, many of the hyperlinks will take you to articles that support my research about breastfeeding. Happy reading!

Making Breastfeeding a Reality

Before the birth of my son, it was always my desire to exclusively breastfeed my baby. It never really occurred to me to do it any other way. As it turns out, the more I read and researched, the more pleased I became about this decision.  If you have read about my breastfeeding journey with my son, you know that in the beginning I wasn’t able to make exclusive breastfeeding a reality. However, before my son was three months old, he was exclusively breastfeeding. Praise the Lord!

And despite the fact that for our family in those first three months, breastfeeding was NOT a cheaper than if we had chosen a formula path, my husband, (who is very frugally minded), was still on board with the decision because of all the amazing benefits breastfeeding had to offer both our child and me as well. So…

Some may ask “Why go through all this trouble just to breastfeed when there are other options for feeding a baby in today’s society?”

Here are 15 Amazing Reasons Why I Breastfeed My Baby:

Benefits for the Baby:

1. Colostrum. The first “milk” a new mother produces is a thick, yellowish, almost clear fluid, called Colostrum. Colostrum is also referred to as “liquid gold”. Why? Colostrum is nutrient-packed and contains everything your baby needs in those first few days of life. Colostrum acts similarly to a vaccine in that it works to ward off infections and viruses that your baby may be exposed to. It also helps to prepare your baby’s tummy for the milk that will come in 3-5 days later.

2. Antibodies and Immune Defense. When a baby breastfeeds, that baby not only receives the antibodies his mother has been exposed to over her lifetime, but, due to the adaptive capability of the milk, also receives antibodies for illnesses that he is exposed to. As soon as a baby has been exposed to something, the act of nursing signals an immune response in the mother that produces the right antibodies the baby needs to ward off the illness. How incredible is that!

3. Superior Nutrition. As a baby grows and changes, so does the mother’s milk based on what the baby needs. The combination of vitamins, protein, and fat makes it a superior nutrition. A baby’s growth spurts, where the baby feeds more often, aid in increasing the mother’s milk supply. Breast milk is also said to contain live organisms, which formula cannot duplicate.

4. Pleasant Poop. Yes, you read that correctly. Exclusively breastfed poop is completely water soluble (which is great for cloth diapering or blowouts) and truly doesn’t have an unpleasant odor. Take it from this Mama who used formula as well, formula poop smells awful! Then there’s the fact that breastfed babies may actually poop less often. Due to the nutrient rich content of breast milk, there’s less “waste” as the baby’s body is better able to absorb it as opposed to formula.

5. Better for Reflux. Continuing on the subject of digestion, breastmilk is easier on a baby’s tummy than formula. Babies stomachs are incredibly immature, and those who breastfeed are less likely to have issues with reflux.

6. Developmental Benefits. There are incredible developmental benefits for a breastfeeding baby as well.

  • Physical development: the act of suckling actually helps to properly form a baby’s mouth and jaw development, which will aid them later in life when they begin eating and speaking. Bottle fed babies are not required to utilize these muscles the same way.
  • Mental development: According to WebMD, “Breastfeeding has been linked to higher IQ scores in later childhood in some studies.” I’ll take that as a bonus!
  • Emotional development: breastfed babies are less likely to deal with anxiety and depression when compared to babies who didn’t breastfeed.

7. Easy On-the-Go! There is considerably less preparation when it comes to feeding a breastfed baby, as opposed to feeding with a bottle. You already have your baby’s food wherever you go, and it’s already in the perfect amount and the perfect temperature. I remember back in the formula days, trying to keep all the bottles washes and ready and measuring out formula and water. I wouldn’t say it’s difficult to do, but definitely takes more prep time when you’re needing to leave the house.

8. Special Bond. I believe all babies bond with their mothers, no matter how they are fed. However, there is something to be said for those special moments of closeness, eye contact, and skin to skin comfort and security the baby feels. Not to mention the hilarious things your baby does while nursing as he gets older.

9. Lower Risks Later in Life. Babies who breastfeed are less likely later in life to develop diabetes or struggle with obesity. “It also lowers their risk of having asthma or allergies.

Benefits for the Mother:

10. Faster Post Partum Healing. Once a baby is born, the act of breastfeeding helps the uterus contract back to a normal size, which promotes faster post partum healing.

11. Decreased Risk for a Lifetime. Studies show that breastfeeding significantly decreases the risk of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, heart disease, and type 2 diabetes.

12. Two words: No Period! Who didn’t love being pregnant if only for that one reason? Breastfeeding delays ovulation, and thus menstruation as well. Some couples even use it as a natural birth control method, (though few care providers will recommend it as a sole method).

13. Help Losing Weight. Breastfeeding can help in post partum weight loss efforts as it can burn 400-500 calories a day!

14. Decreased Risk of PP Depression. Breastfeeding releases “feel-good” hormones, which can aid in bonding with your baby. Breastfeeding mothers are also 50% less likely to deal with post partum depression than those who do not.

15. Cheap. Although this wasn’t the case for us at first, generally speaking, there is a cost efficiency for the majority families who are able and choose to go the breastfeeding route.

“So how long should I breastfeed my baby?”

We’ll address this question more fully in another post, but there are definite benefits to breastfeeding your child past the first year of his life. The World Health Organization (WHO) actually recommends that a child be fed breast milk for at least the first 2 years. WHO also encourages mothers who may be struggling with breastfeeding to seek out expert support so that they can learn to successfully breastfeed.

So there you have it! 15 AMAZING reasons to breastfeed your baby!

The truth is that God designed mothers to be able to nourish their children, and despite man’s best effort, no supplement can come close to God’s design.

“From the God of your father who helps you,
And by the Almighty who blesses you
With blessings of heaven above,

Blessings of the deep that lies beneath,
Blessings of the breasts and of the womb.” Genesis 49:25

Read More

Co-Sleeping 

There’s a lot to be said about co-sleeping. However, this post isn’t to hash out the safety precautions or to rave about the family bed. I simply want to write to share that co-sleeping is how I was able to sleep 7 hours last night. 

Seasoned co-sleepers will be nodding their approval I’m sure while others may cringe upon reading the words “family bed”, but my hope is that some where out there another tired Mama might be able to use one more suggestion to help her get a little more rest.

Milestones and Growth

My son is going through many milestone changes all at once.  It’s taking what seems like forever to cut his first tooth. Due to the drool and chomping, we’ve been expecting it for over a month now.  He’s recently hit 6 months and this past week, his constant eating and excessive night waking surely indicates the 6 month growth spurt. 

And now, my 6 month old is mobile! What?! Oh yes! He’s not full on crawling (yet!), but he is army crawling everywhere! It’s incredible. So we quickly did the baby-proofing shuffle. (I attribute this early progress to all the floor and tummy time with Daddy.)

If you’ve searched the web for anything like “why isn’t my baby sleeping? ” and insert the age of the baby, many times you’ll be reminded that during milestones, they just don’t sleep all that well.  Needless to say, my baby is feeling a little more clingy than usual.

So while I want to curse the lack of sleep, my “joy comes in the morning” as I realize all the amazing things my son is learning and has achieved. (Praise God for the fleas.)

Our 7 Hour Night

Usually I put my son to bed in his crib around 6:30pm. Then my husband and I are able to spend some time together and relax for the evening. My son wakes up to eat between 10:30 to midnight, then wakes up again a couple times in the early morning light sleep but can usually quickly be put back to bed.

Well, last night was a horse of a different color! He woke up at 9 pm and ate like he was starving! Then we went through the routine of burping and laying him back in his crib. No way, he wasn’t having it. Upon his head (or foot or hand) hitting the sheets, he immediately woke up and fussed. I don’t know how many times over the next hour I tried to lay him in his crib. It was a lot. He was perfectly content and asleep there on my shoulder.

So finally, I gave in to my own need for rest and went into his room to lay down on the mattress (on the floor) we use for his nap times. He stayed asleep. Until 5 am. What?! Oh yes! I didn’t know he could do that either!

Well, I may not have seen my own bed last night and I did miss my husband but getting to sleep without interruption for the first time in 6 months was incredible!

Decisions

I’m not really sure what’s around the bend. My husband and I discussed it this morning and we think we’re all finally ready to move our son’s crib into HIS room instead of in ours. We considered it at 4 months when he was growing out of the bassinet, but I told my husband I wasn’t ready, so we moved his crib into our room.

We also laughed as we realized, this probably means we’ll all be camped out in his room while he makes this transition. My son, me, my husband, who doesn’t want to sleep alone either, and our two dogs are moving into the nursery tonight! 

Go ahead and smile and laugh as you picture it. You know it’s funny. 

Right or Wrong

As I continue to post about our sleep/no-sleep adventure with our firstborn, (I say “our” because my husband is definitely in this “together” with me.) it dawned on me all the opinions that MUST be floating around out there.

Every parent does things differently (and from what I hear, differently from child to child as well), but it seems many people want to “put their oar” in without actually listening to the desires of the parent they’re trying to mentor.

There’s so much differing information about child rearing and it can be difficult to sift through it all, and very easy to feel like a failure once you chosen a path and then hear something different or read an article with a differing perspective. It can be downright stressful!

The fact is, God didn’t make us all from the same mold. Throughout creation you can see God’s appreciation for the unique. The individual characteristics and strengths He created in all of us is evident in our very children as we watch them grow. We appreciate these attributes in others, except perhaps it may seem, when it comes to parenting? 

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to tell my story. And I love to give advice to others. In fact, I’m known to apologize in advance and give permission for the other person to tell me “thanks, but, no thanks” when I want to give advice! 

What I want to encourage here is that the advice we are giving is given out of love. And may I also suggest that the advice given is for the benefit of the other person and not for our own parenting knowledge gold star or feather in our cap. 

This isn’t a plug for everyone’s “truth” is right for them. God’s truth is the only truth and He has made that very clear when it comes to right and wrong. God didn’t make us all the same, though he did gave us commandments about certain things. 

I think we can all agree that those commandments don’t cover what color I should wear today anymore than whether I should breastfeed one year or two (or, dare I say it, more. Gasp!). I mean look at how different we all are from one another! Naturally we’re going to have different parenting styles as well. 

Wisdom in a Multitude of Counselors

Don’t go it alone. There is something to be said for asking for godly advice in all aspects of our life. Proverbs says, there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors. So choose a few people you trust and ask for their perspective. They may come up with some good ideas you haven’t thought of yet! 

And for those unsolicited advisors, don’t tune them out completely. You may be able to glean some gold nuggets from their experiences. Be encouraged, that their intentions are most likely good, they just aren’t very graceful about how to tell their story or offer advice that doesn’t sound judgmental. Chances are they don’t know how it makes you feel.

So wherever you are in your journey, whatever your challenge, take heart that although we are all different people, you can surround yourself with loving and encouraging people to help you through it. Even if no one else knows what to suggest in your situation, you can always ask them to pray for you. 

“Bear one another’s burdens…”
Galatians 6:2a

“Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”
Proverbs 11:14

“…Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.”
Psalm 30:5b

Let us hear from you!

What advice might you have for my situation?
What, if any, sleep challenges have you had with your children?

 

 

Read More

More Than the Old Adage

You’ve heard the saying, “all babies do is eat, sleep, and poop”. And while these three things certainly are the majority of my baby’s day (with perhaps the exception of poop, which isn’t currently an every day occurrence), there is so much more going on than that.

He is learning and growing at an amazing rate! And I don’t know about your babies, but mine has been playing with toys, fingers, faces, and toes for quite a while now.

Sleep on a Deeper Level

I’ve been thinking a lot about my son’s sleep, as it is currently the biggest challenge I am facing. Why, you may ask? Because I’m very tired and his sleep habits so drastically affect my sleep habits.

Choosing Our Sleep Method

I have mentioned before my dedication to the no-cry method. Each parent has their different style and this is simply mine. I make no judgments about others who have chosen different methods that work for them.

While I subscribe to the no-cry idea wholeheartedly, there have been times when I’ve played with the idea of just setting my son in his crib and walking away. In fact, I’ve gone as far as to set my son in his crib without his normal sleep associations, but before I get to the walking away part, instant whimpering and tears melt my heart and I’m quickly set back on the path I chose in the first place. (Yes, I’m a sucker!)

My husband and I have been following the No-Cry Sleep Solution ideas for about two months now. Have we seen improvement? Yes, we have. When we started, my son was waking up every hour from 8 pm to 6 am. Now, and nearly six months old, he wakes up about three to four times a night. Has it been a quick-fix? Nope, but that was expected.

In the book, author Elizabeth Pantley even says, “it will either take time or tears”, and just as she said, we too have chosen time.

To recap our specific challenge, I have been working on changing my son’s sleep association from nursing to sleep each time he wakes up.

In the beginning, we struggled to make breastfeeding a reality, and he was a sleepy, lazy eater as it was. The natural progression was that nursing became his main sleep association. It wasn’t truly an issue until we were blind-sided by the four month sleep regression and I realized I’d allowed a “bad habit” to form.

The amount of patience and shear will power it has taken to stick with this method has been a challenge simply because it is not a quick-fix method. I must be honest, the method may work faster for others as I have not been as consistent as I should be – some nights I just choose the fastest path to sleep, instead of the methods spelled out in the book I have mentioned.

The lack of sleep has impacted me in so many ways and I’m learning many things about myself and what I need to improve upon.

Kindness, Humility, & Apologies

This week, my husband was sick and so I tried to be a good wife and let him sleep. Usually, after I have gotten up for the majority of the night wakings, my husband will get up with my son at 5 am. This is when my son becomes alert for the day, and I take a nap to recover from the night’s events.

After morning two of going it alone, it’s mild to say I was cranky. In fact, I was outright mean. Not to my son, whom my husband and I truly try not to have any negative emotions around, but toward my poor husband. Why was I mean? I was jealous of his sleep, of course!

The week previous, I had been sick too, and although my husband took care of my son as much as possible, my son only falls asleep with me, his ultimate sleep association. So no matter how much I needed to sleep, my son needed me more.

So after my sleep-deprived, not-fully-recovered-from-sickness self lashed out at my husband, he calmly got up, sick as he was, to spend time with my son and me. Of course, I immediately felt guilty and humbled by his kindness toward me. Realizing the horrible person I was for waking him up so cruelly, I started to cry. “I’m so sorry honey. I didn’t mean it. I’m just…so…tired.”

He gave me a hug and a kiss and told me to go lay down for five minutes. What an amazing man my husband is.

I went into the next night fully aware that I would be exhausted the next morning, but I was GOING to let my husband sleep and I was GOING to be happy to be awake with my baby, and I was GOING to be the mother and wife God wanted me to be.

Being a Source of Comfort

With much prayer throughout the night as I woke up with my son, each time becoming more and more difficult as my body craved sleep, God gave me peace about the situation and revealed a few things to me.

Here I was, a mother, incredibly blessed to even have a child, and this child only wanted me. He fussed for me and I got out of bed and began our “go back to sleep routine”. I picked him up, held him, spoke gently to him, nursed him and patted his back, then propped him up on my shoulder and stood and swayed with him.

As he fell back to sleep, I gently stroked his face, then kissed him, and whispered, “I love you, son.” Upon lifting him up to put him back in his crib, I hesitated and hugged him close, just soaking him in and enjoying his warmth and soft breathing.

Then I began again to lay my son in his crib. As I lowered him, he put his arm out on the bed, creating resistance to being put down (smarty pants) and whimpered. He wasn’t ready just yet, so I picked him back up and just held him close.

As I held him and swayed, I realized, this baby feels so much comfort, safety, and peace in my arms. Not even my husband can get him to sleep at this stage (and my son loves his Daddy). For now, these precious and fleeting moments are mine and mine alone. What a privilege to hold such a place in my son’s life.

Our Interactions with God

Whenever my husband and I are trying to decide how to deal with a new challenge as parents, we try to understand how God would want us to handle the situation. How can we best emanate God’s character in our lives towards our child and towards each other as well?

When it comes to this sleeping thing, God is teaching us patience. Especially me!

A few weeks back, I was chatting with a friend (who has four children, I might add) about asking God for patience through the night. She said, “I have to pray for patience with one of my kids every day. And I’m usually confronted with a situation that TRIES my patience.” I said, “Yes, I know God uses circumstances to build our character. But I didn’t really want my character built at the moment, so my prayer last night went something like ‘please give me patience RIGHT NOW!'” She laughed. (Now how’s that for irony? A little impatient praying for patience.)

Through mothering my son, God truly is teaching me how to be a more patient and loving person.

When all I want is sleep, my son needs my attention and comfort. And although he is not “cooperating” with what I would like him to do regarding sleep, I will wait. I will give him the time he needs to adjust. I will train him, day by day, to learn to sleep without me. No matter how long it takes, I want to choose to lead him gently.

This path is probably not the easiest one. It’s certainly not the quickest way to restful nights. It is a sacrifice, and is requiring a graciousness that God is providing beyond my own abilities.

When I think about how God interacts with us, I am so humbled. How often are we “uncooperative” with His plans for us, yet He is patient, kind, and consistent in His guidance. His methods are perfect. He alone is wise. He is gracious and merciful beyond our comprehension or ability to imitate.

Learning Lessons

Despite already giving us so many gifts, God continues to provide peace and comfort in these times in the wee hours of the night, when the only words I can short-sightedly pray are, “please let this child sleep tonight”.

And yes, I have wondered, “Why would God not immediately grant this request for sleep? He gives good gifts. Sleep is a good thing, right?” Yes, but perhaps I am needing to learn these lessons now. Perhaps there is a more difficult challenge than sleep-deprivation in my future. (Teenage years come to mind…)

I am also reminded that my sleep sacrifice for my son pales in comparison to the sacrifice God provided us through His own son.

I’m so very grateful for the comfort and peace He provides me, though I admit, I rarely embrace it. Just like my baby putting his hand out to keep from being set down, I want to acknowledge His comforting presence in my life and embrace the peaceful place God has provided in Himself as my Father.

How Sweet it is to be Loved by You

Despite the “problem” nursing to sleep has caused (particularly in public), during my son’s nap today I was again reminded in such a sweet way, what a privilege it is to be his “ultimate sleep association.”

My son sleeps longer if I nap with him, and let’s face it, I can use the sleep anyway, so win win for us!

He awoke from his light sleep, and I had moved back a bit, away from him (one of the suggestions given for co-sleeping). With his eyes still closed, he reached his little hand out searching for me. I watched, as he patted his lovey, and the bed next to him, then I moved in close to him and said, “I’m here, baby.” Upon feeling me next to him and hearing my words, he went right back to sleep.

Then tonight as we were going through our bedtime routine, my son lifted his head off my shoulder, not to fuss or burp (as is typical), but to lift his hands to my face. He proceeded to pat at my mouth and my nose, (and my eyeball…) before laying his head back down on my shoulder.

With my heart as warm as can be, all I can say is, “This is love” and how very sweet it is.

“But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”
James 1:4

What about you?

What lessons has God taught you through your interactions with your children? Your spouse?

Read More

Guest Post by IV, V and Me
Visit her website by clicking here.

“It Takes a Village”

We have all heard it… shoot, I think I even said it last week, but is ‘it takes a village’ just a phrase or is it really truth? Honestly, this phrase never even crossed my mind until my son was born and all the villagers came out of hiding with the good, the bad and the ugly advice; but this didn’t really bother me until I got some parenting experience under my belt. My son is 9 months old so obviously I am now an expert… even so; I was now ready to bestow my “parenting wisdom” on other moms. As soon as another mom mentioned any struggle she was having with her kids, I wanted to jump in to save the day with my expert advice on the matter… queue the other mom holding back on rolling her eyes as I ask the question all moms know too well “have you tried this?” like she hadn’t googled every possible solution to the problem she was dealing with. Was I really going to be that villager, the one with the pitchfork of advice at the ready any time I talked to another mom? Is a village necessary to survive parenthood? If so, what is truly needed?

Getting to the truth

I decided it was time to actually get other mommy perspectives on the subject of  ‘it takes a village’.  So, I gave a shout out to the Facebook world with 4 questions, two for and two against parenting advice to see if the “village” was more helpful or harmful.

Once you become a mom, something that is needed is thick skin, so that when you do end up receiving unwarranted advice, you can take it with a grain of salt. My friend Jamey W. said it best “I have heard/felt things that while harsh at the time, as I reflected (and minimized my pride) realized they were probably right or at least something there that should be considered.” This is a mom with a teenager and a college student; her answer is why I need to have mentors in my village to explain, “Pride causes us to miss a lot of truth.” Yes, getting offended is a cultural phenomenon, but instead of pouting, I can take what has been said and use it to grow and become a better, more developed person. I learned pride gets in the way of even allowing myself to be surrounded by a village. One obvious way I realized I needed growth in was learning that my son could benefit from being around others.

At first, I was very hesitant to allow other people be around my son, I mean, I made him… I can be selfish, right? But once I got past that, I found how beneficial it was to have others interact with my child. They would play with him in ways that never would have crossed my mind, and truly showed me new ways to love my son.  “It is incredibly valuable to be in community with other people who pour into and love your child– they speak into their lives in a multitude of ways, and it’s powerful and humbling and so much better than doing it on your own. Other people can speak into their gifts, challenges, and behavior in a way that you can’t, and they see the things you have blind spots to.” –Annie M. This is why it is so important to have peers be in my village. Your peers can help you to be more creative with teaching and during play time as Jenna S. saw this as “a refreshing reminder to not let your child play her way right through her days without me, I just don’t want to miss It.” This has also opened my eyes to the fact that controlling every aspect of my life is just not attainable; I need help and support.

            Being a very controlling person, I really wanted to do everything on my own and then… well, exhaustion set in. The other night I broke down (my son has started waking up at 2:00am hyper and not going back to sleep until 3:30am), my husband offered to pray with me as I was rocking our son to sleep and I said, “no, I just want to get Ru to sleep.” It took me about 5 minutes to realize what I needed was my husband to pray over me and once I gave up that control, it was like a gospel choir came rising up singing “Hallelujah”! A wise friend stated,Praying that the Lord would guide you in each situation and lead you on how to love, affirm, teach, correct, and discipline in a way that is honoring to him. Praying isn’t hard to do, but always feeling prepared and equipped can be hard when it comes to parenting.” This makes me realize that protectors are needed in my village. God allows us to lean on him and others just as a friend who is a fellow new mom has grown to “learn now more than ever to trust in God’s plan and have faith that no matter what, He knows what is best and He is leading our lives.” After recognizing all that was needed for my village to be a great support system, there was something gnawing at the back of mind, something that was missing.

             Out of all the moms I had asked these questions to, one specifically made me realize something most moms are afraid to say “I am one amazing woman and mom.” –Jen H. She is a single mom who has had to learn how to be strong for her and her kids. “But our God is good. And he put me through some tough times that led me to now. And who am I now? A fully functional adult who can clean and not lose her cool; I make doctors appointments and make sure the kids get their fruits and veggies.” This is when I realized confidence is needed in myself for the village. I am my toughest critique when it comes to my skills as a mother but why can’t I admit that some days I am doing a great job or some things I do rock at as a mother. I feel confidence could be such a great tool for us to spur on to be even better, to never stop trying to achieve the goal of loving our children fiercely.

The Do’s and Don’ts

Here are some of the BEST advice moms have benefited from hearing:

“You’re going to make mistakes, they grow up despite us, and they grow up fast so enjoy every moment.” –Jennie H.

“It is the ride of your life! Have fun! Find what works for you and do that.” –SueEllen H.

“Sleep when the baby sleeps” –Candace T., Chrissy S.

“Never let the kids leave the house without saying you love them.  And always say encouraging words to your children.” –Ann M.

“Each difficult stage is temporary and you will miss It.” –Calli K.

“Do what you feel is best for you and your child and not to worry about what others think.” –Amanda B.

  Things to keep in mind NOT to do:

“Saying things like ‘they are going to see it eventually.’  It doesn’t mean they need to see it now!” –Candace T.

“My sister-in-law never had kids and she always told me how to raise them, she would punish them in front of me when they would do something that was no big deal to me.” –Ann M.

“I felt pressured by others to use formula, feed her puréed and solid food, to sleep train when I wasn’t quite ready yet.” –Calli K.

“I have had a lot of people tell me that my daughter is big for her age and maybe I should watch what I feed her.” –Amanda B.

“As I was struggling to get my firstborn to latch I decided to pump and bottle feed her until our latch was successful. My MIL told me bottle-feeding wouldn’t create as strong of a bond as breastfeeding would. My bond with both my children is unbreakable and bottle shaming is as ridiculous and insensitive as breast shaming. Fed is best!” –Anonymous

“People trying to fix problems I’ve been working on forever like my child’s diet or showing distaste for the freedoms I allow.” –Jenna S.

So, is ‘it takes a village’ just a phrase or is it truth?

The truth is, it takes the right village… so choose wisely.

-IV, V and Me


We want to hear from you!

Tell us about the advice you have received, including the good, the bad, and the ugly!

What advice would you want to give new or expecting parents?

Read More

Deciding on the Birth Center as a Venue

Whenever I thought about childbirth, I never really wanted to have a baby in the hospital. To me, a hospital was a place people go when they are sick, bleeding, or dying. I didn’t think of it as a great place to bring a baby into the world. Obviously, many babies are born in a hospital and arrive home healthy and happy. It just wasn’t something I was particularly interested in.

For some people, a hospital birth is the only way that comes to mind, so upon mentioning giving birth at a birth center or at home, with midwives, rather than doctors, one witnesses an interesting variety of responses. Some of them are comical, and most all of them are sincere and out of a place of concern.

The only reason I realized there was a way besides a hospital was because my own Mother had my younger brother at home. To this day, he can point to a spot in the house and say, “I was born right there.”

A few years before I became pregnant with my son, my husband and I were discussing our desire and supposed readiness to have a baby, and I mentioned in passing that I didn’t want to have a baby in a hospital. The idea was so foreign and absurd to him that he dismissed it immediately. I wasn’t really wanting to go the home-birth route, simply because I didn’t know what to expect when it came to childbirth. Considering it wasn’t a bridge we needed to cross right then, I dropped it, but I did some research in our area to find out if there was a place specifically designed for the sole purpose of bringing babies into this world. And there was. So I kept that in the back of my mind and continued on with life.

When I became pregnant, I went to my regular OB/GYN and in those early weeks fully intended on going through with a hospital birth. Over the course of a few weeks, it became clear to both myself and my husband that this place and this doctor were not truly what we wanted, so we began to search for an alternative.

I recalled my Mother’s home-birth experience in my childhood home and that she had a midwife, so I began my search for a midwife. I made appointments with several. Many attended home births, some attended hospital births, and some attended birth center births. After meeting and speaking with several very knowledgeable women, my husband and I felt most comfortable with a particular group of midwives at a birth center in our area.

I remember being awestruck as I left the birth center as I mulled over all the wonderful information that was provided to my husband and me in that single initial visit. We knew more about what to expect in that one interview than we had learned in two months worth of appointments with my doctor.

Let me pause here to say that I didn’t have a horrible or ignorant doctor. She always asked me if I had any questions but I never did. It was a situation in which I didn’t know enough to ask questions. When I was speaking to the midwives, they were constantly providing information, which sparked questions. I think of midwifery as a specialization in the world of pregnancy and childbirth. That’s what midwives do. Their certification and skill set is very specific to those months of pregnancy and the six weeks postpartum care for both mother and baby. It was also clear that this was their passion and that was such a comforting relief for both my husband and me.

Deciding Pain Medication-Free was the Way for Me (and my Baby)

Upon choosing the birth center, I was making the choice to have a medication-free birth. Specifically a pain medication-free birth. I was all right with this as I had already been trying to decide whether or not I should have an epidural in the hospital.

If you are trying to make this decision and asking other mothers, you will get an assortment of responses. Some people upon hearing that you are choosing not to have an epidural will immediately tell you what a terrible idea that is. While I disagree, I encourage you to do research about the effects of an epidural on both the mother and baby.

It was because of my own researching on the subject that I was already leaning towards not having an epidural, so when the option was taken away because the birth center did not offer epidurals, it solidified what I had learned and wanted.

A few reasons I didn’t want to have an epidural or Pitocin during my labor:

  • I didn’t want my baby to be affected by any medications.
  • I wanted the best start possible for him in regards to breastfeeding. Epidurals do pass through the placenta and affect the baby. Studies show that babies affected by epidurals are more sluggish in getting to the breast compared with babies not affected by epidurals.
  • I didn’t want my contractions to be artificially augmented – I wanted to work with my body they way it was designed.
  • I wanted to be able to get up and move during my labor.
  • And I wanted to be able to effectively push when the time came to push.

Childbirth Classes

One of the (many) wonderful recommendations the birth center provided was to take a childbirth class called, “The Bradley Method”. This method emphasized husband-coached childbirth which was a foreign concept to me in what I believed to a “women’s world” but at the same time, I was thrilled with the idea of my husband being my main support throughout my labor – he was after all, my main support throughout every other aspect of my life. Why not childbirth?

I highly recommend this particular series of birthing classes as they are highly informative and you will go into childbirth (even a first childbirth) feeling knowledgeable and confident. Pregnancy and labor is scary enough without the added challenge of being uninformed. Perhaps think of it this way: Would you go take a college final exam without studying? Maybe, but you would have done better if you had studied, right?

To quote from The Bradley Method website, “Natural childbirth is an important goal since most people want to give their babies every possible advantage. Without the side effects of drugs given during labor and birth. The Bradley Method® classes teach families how to have natural births. The techniques are simple and effective. They are based on information about how the human body works during labor. Couples are taught how they can work with their bodies to reduce pain and make their labors more efficient. Of over 1,000,000 couples trained in The Bradley Method® nationwide, over 86% of them have had spontaneous, unmedicated vaginal births. This is a method that works! ”

The other thing I absolutely loved and appreciated about these classes is that my husband liked them. He is a person who craves information and is very research-oriented and results-driven, which made this method perfect for him. I was excited that he was to have an active role, rather than only be a spectator on the sidelines. He was prepared for his role, just as I was prepared for mine, and I had the utmost confidence in his ability to encourage, support, and coach me through the birth of our son.

Is Natural Childbirth Painful?

The point of this post is to tell the story of my childbirth experience and I will. However, before I continue, I want to ask and answer a very fundamental question: Is Natural Childbirth Painful? The short answer is, yes. But it is so much more than that.

The experience of childbirth is like nothing I have ever experienced before. For those who have never experienced it, there’s much that simply can’t be explained properly or related to until they experience it for themselves.

All women expect to experience pain during childbirth, and I do have that to share in my story. However, probably few women remember to also expect excitement, laughter, smiles, precious bonding moments with your spouse, and yes, moments without pain. An article I really appreciated reading talked about having a positive attitude regarding childbirth and expecting a positive outcome. It reminds women to not focus so much on the painful aspects of childbirth, and recall the moments when the labor was actually pain free.

The article I shared also mentions a “straightforward labour with a well positioned baby…you don’t feel pain at all”. I did not have a straight forward labor or a well-positioned baby, but I can still speak to the positive experience of the natural childbirth that was mine, and if given the choice to do it over again, I would still have a pain med-free and natural childbirth.

My Story

This is the story of the birth of my son. It is very detailed. It is very personal. It is very special. This is my first childbirth experience.

Early Stage – Labor Begins

Labor for me began with my water breaking at 7:11 pm on October 31st, 2016. I was shocked because I had learned that only 15% of labors begin with the water breaking.

Interestingly enough, it wasn’t a gush, but a trickle. I remember my husband and I had just finished dinner, and I stood up from my seat and immediately peed…or at least I thought I had. (At 39 1/2 weeks pregnant, wetting myself was not necessarily something new.) I rushed to the bathroom and realized I had bloody show.  I also couldn’t stop the trickling that had begun minutes earlier. I hurriedly and excitedly sent a text to my midwife, saying, “I think my water just broke?” She asked me a series of questions and upon reviewing my responses, told me to wear a pad for 20 minutes and let her know if it was soaked in that time. It was. She then instructed me to come in to the birth center where she examined me and quickly ascertained my water had indeed broken.

I was ecstatic! My baby was going to be here sometime tomorrow! My baby was NOT going to be born on Halloween. (Something I really did not want and had literally prayed against.) The time was here! Oh my goodness! I’m going to have my baby!

It may not be common knowledge for those not in the medical field, but when the waters break, infections are more probable as a layer of protection has been broken. Due to the fact I was planning to deliver at a birth center and with midwives, my water breaking started a 24-hour clock in which I needed to have my baby, if I was to stay at the birth center. Beyond this time frame, it would be required that I be transferred to the hospital. Although my water had broken, I wasn’t yet experiencing contractions so we needed to get busy.

I was sent home and told to rest for the next 6 hours. At this time, it was about 8:30 pm. After resting, I was to begin using the breast pump as a form of stimulation which was to help induce contractions.

When we got in the car, I told my husband to drive to his mother’s home. She lived a short 10 minutes away from the birth center and I wanted to see the look on her face when we told her she was going to be a Grandma tomorrow! He agreed, and on the way I called my own Mother to let her know as well, and then my sister. When we were in my mother in law’s neighborhood I called her. It was well after 9:00 pm and odd that we would call her so late. She answered the phone expectantly, and I said, “Hey, can you open the door for us?”

“Yes!” She exclaimed. She hurried to throw open the door with wide eyes and a smile.

“Seems like we’re going to have a baby tomorrow,” I said. Then proceeded to tell her the events of the evening thus far.

When I got home, I tried my best to sleep, but naturally I was excited.  As I lay there in my bed, resting, but awake, I couldn’t help but think how in a few hours I was going to meet my son.

Just after midnight on November 1st, 2016, I felt a contraction. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that it was painful or particularly powerful, but it was slightly uncomfortable. I got up and went to take a shower. Then dressed in the last outfit I would have a “baby bump” in, remembering to take a picture to complete my series of pictures commemorating this pregnancy.

I then went into the living room to use the pump. It didn’t work. Dang it! I woke my husband up and he couldn’t get it to work either. Wouldn’t you know, we got it working after we brought the baby home – it turns out it was something quite simple, but as for use during labor, it was a lost cause. So, I set about following instructions by manually stimulating to induce contractions at certain intervals and rested on the couch in between.

About 6:30 am, my contractions were becoming much more consistent. I would describe contractions almost like menstrual cramps as far as where you feel them and perhaps somewhat in how they feel as well. They were certainly not unbearable and I used the relaxation techniques and laboring positions I had learned and practiced to work through them. At this stage, I could talk easily, and I walked, and got myself food and water. During this time, I ate small meals and drank water constantly.

It was around this time my husband got up for the day. We both knew I would need him to be rested, so while I was on the couch, he was doing his best to sleep in our bed. That was the best thing he could have done for both our sakes.

To track contractions, I had an app on my phone that my husband and I used. It had been recommended that we not watch the clock. I definitely want to pass on this recommendation as it allowed me to focus inward on what my body was doing, but not how long it was taking to do it. The app kept us in the know without watching time pass. An added benefit was that I could simply “share” my progress with my midwife by pressing a few buttons, rather than typing it all out. As the contractions became more consistent and closer together this feature was all the more appreciated.

In this early stage of labor, I was primarily on my sofa, sitting or lying down due to the time of day. My goal at this time was to rest as much as possible. Between contractions, it was business as usual. There wasn’t any pain or discomfort to speak of, except perhaps, the annoyance of constantly needing to pee, but that wasn’t anything the last 9 months of pregnancy hadn’t prepared me for.

Active Labor

When the contractions started to become more intense, I found myself kneeling on the floor leaning over the couch and eventually the exercise ball. The rocking helped relieve discomfort and I was use to this hands and knees position because I had practiced it often during the latter part of my pregnancy, so it was easy for me to relax this way.

Right before we left to go to the birth center, I preferred sitting in the swivel chair from the office. I was able to brace against the arms on the chair and it was cushioned but supportive, and I didn’t have to focus on balancing myself as I did on the ball.

During this time, I quickly realized that I absolutely hated when I had to use the restroom. As I was supposed to, I was drinking lots of fluids and urinating very frequently. I noticed that my contractions were much stronger when I was sitting on the toilet. Sitting there was so intense for me, that I thought I was skipping contractions, but that wasn’t the case. In fact, it was the contractions themselves that were more intense while I was sitting there.

My husband did an excellent job keeping me fed and hydrated, and encouraging me to relax. About 9:30 am, I threw up. I had been eating small meals to keep up my strength. Though I didn’t really have an appetite, I knew I needed to stay fueled for the rest of this adventure. I’m sure it was a combination of hormones and reaction to the discomfort from the contractions. By this time, my husband had taken over communicating with my midwife as I needed to focus and the contractions were close enough together that I didn’t want to bother looking at the phone. When he told her I had thrown up, she replied, “Excellent!” Though I didn’t think it was so excellent at the time, it wasn’t much longer before we prepped to go to the birth center.

Within the hour, and with my midwife’s blessing, my husband and I left for the birth center. We were there by 11:30 am. I was so eager to get to the birth center. I had kept myself in check up to this point, knowing that if I went too early, they would send me home. I really didn’t want to get into the car again and ride the 45 minutes back home and then make the trip AGAIN!

At this time, my contractions were about three and a half minutes apart and were lasting for nearly three minutes so needless to say, I wasn’t getting much of a break upon arriving at the birth center. When I got out of the car and headed inside, I was in my socks, my shoes left behind in the floorboard of the car. Let’s do this thing!

The thing I love about the birth center is there’s no waiting period. There’s no “check in” process. There’s no, “Here, fill out this paperwork.” All that was taken care of months previous upon agreeing to use the birth center and there wasn’t a single member on staff who didn’t know my name, my husband, and the name we chose for our baby. Since I had already been in communication with my primary midwife (via text – how awesome is that!), the room was all ready for me.

Upon entering the room, I made a B-line for the bed and laid down. I was so tired from the car ride and so relieved to finally be in the final stages and have the midwives for support. My midwife came in and did an exam. I was fully effaced and 7 cm dilated. I had done it! I had labored at home as I should have and was well on my way to having this baby! In fact, much of my active labor was already complete.

I was given an IV for hydration and to help protect against infection since my water had broken over 12 hours previous.

I remember being extremely happy during this time. It was sort of like we had just entered a hotel room on vacation. We set our stuff down and my husband and I got into the bed together. I smiled and laughed as we carried on conversation. We were so excited and practically giddy. My mother in law arrived and joined us in the room. Then my sister did the same. My Mother called to FaceTime while she was at work. She so longed to be there, and this was as close as she could get until she came for her visit the following day.

Because I had labored so much at home (which was a good thing), it wasn’t long before the real work began. The smiles faded and the phones were put away, as I needed to focus, but the joy I felt in my heart increased all the more.

Posterior Baby – Not the Ideal Position

It is important to explain that several weeks before, my baby had turned to the posterior position, rather than the ideal anterior position. I had been doing acrobatics to get him to turn, but he just wouldn’t. I had done proper tailor-sitting, I had done pelvic rocking, hands and knees time on the ball, I had done everything “Bradley” AND “spinning babies”, including chest and knees (which is difficult – it’s correct to say my head was in the way!), and he simply didn’t turn. At this point in my labor, this was still the case. This is what made my labor more difficult than a “straightforward” labor and contributed to the lengthening of what “should have”, or should I say, usually would have taken just a few more hours. And we still had to consider that 24-hour clock my body was racing against in which I may have been forced into going to the hospital.

Losing Time “in the zone”

Despite the fact that I was experiencing a long labor, I truly didn’t realize it. I have to admit, I lost time up until my baby was born. I even lost some sequence of events that my husband and I still talk about to this day, trying to fill in the gaps. I didn’t black out or anything. I was just “in the zone”. I was focused on the task before me and oblivious to the time.

I know that after the exam, my contractions got all the more powerful. One of the midwives came in to check on me and saw me lying down and in pain. She said, “How long have you been there? Time to get up!” This helped. I think I had taken the advice “let your labor happen to you” a little too literally, and had forgotten all the wonderful information I had learned to help me get through my labor more efficiently and comfortably. I paced and went to the restroom to pee often – hating the toilet still. I remember distinctly telling my midwife, “I hate sitting on the toilet. It hurts so bad!” She reminded me that the contractions were more powerful because those muscles were used to relaxing on the toilet. I heard her, but I left the toilet as quickly as I was finished.

My labor continued. I took a bath, which was short-lived as it was clear I needed to stand to better deal with my contractions. Some positions you are just drawn to. It’s different for every woman and every pregnancy. That’s why it’s so important to know your options and practice them. I leaned heavily upon my husband during these contractions. I rocked on my hands and knees too,when the contraction intensity brought me, quite literally, to my knees. My dear mother in law and my sister were both there to support me. My own Mother was stuck in her home State until the following day.

My Frenemy: The Toilet

I wasn’t progressing as quickly as expected, so my dear midwife looked at me with pity in her eyes and said, “Darling, you’re going to hate me. But I need you to go labor on the toilet. NOOOOOOO!!!!! I thought, but instead of screaming what I was thinking, I said, with tears in my eyes. “Ok.” and added, “I don’t hate you.”

Laboring on the toilet for me was an extremely intense experience. I had already spent some time there just answering nature’s call, but to sit there deliberately was difficult for me. I didn’t know how to relax through these kinds of contractions. When my husband shut the door behind him, I broke down in tears. This was, and has been for years, my coping mechanism and method of stress release. I didn’t want the others to know how difficult this was at this time. So many people thought I was crazy for not being in a hospital right now and taking the epidural. Ok, not crazy, but they certainly believed this was unnecessary. I don’t know how long I labored there but I do remember my sweet mother in law spoon feeding me a Greek yogurt as I sat there.

Time to Push – Actually, No. Don’t Push.

Eventually, I went back to the bed, where I was checked again and told I was ready to push. I was so glad to hear this. Up to this point, I was feeling like this baby was never going to come out and I would just be left in perpetual toilet laboring forever. With the next contraction, I pushed.

Then I was told. “We need you to stop pushing.” What?! No! Why?  I was tired, I was probably a little delirious, I couldn’t truly communicate verbally anymore, but through the haze I worked to understand what the midwives were telling me, and cooperate. “You aren’t ready yet.” But you just said… “When you push, you go from 9 cm dilated to 5 cm.” Oh, that’s not good. “Because the baby is still posterior, there’s a lip in your cervix. This is going to take longer than we thought. Do you want to transfer?”

I have to mention here that a lot of time had passed. Hours. The midwives were not so quickly suggesting that I could consider transferring, but to me, it felt like it, because I didn’t think much time had passed at all since I had arrived at the birth center.

Not fully understanding the why behind the question of transferring, I thought, Oh no something is terribly wrong! I looked at my husband for an answer, who said nothing. Oh, I have to decide this myself. The first thing I decided was that there were too many people in the room, so I asked my husband, “Honey, can it just be you in here with me?” He gently but immediately asked my mother in law and sister to please wait outside. Ok, now I can deal with this without people worrying about me. Somehow I knew this was about to get a whole lot harder before it was over.

I don’t know how but I found my voice again, “Is the baby ok?”

“Yes, the baby is doing great! He’s very strong.” Relief! Oh, that’s so good! It must be me.

“Am I ok?”

“Yes, you’re doing fine. We’re just concerned about your level of exhaustion.” Oh, is that it?  I mean, I am tired, but I’m not finished having this baby yet, so I still have work to do. Besides that, I can’t even imagine having to deal with these contractions in a vehicle!

“If the baby is ok, and I’m ok, I’d like to stay.” So two of the midwives went out to deliberate on the best course of action, and a third stayed with me.

Pain, yes. Unmanageable, no.

I want to pause here to say that despite all the intensity I have mentioned in this recounting of my labor, at the time, it was just something that had to happen. I didn’t think anything was out of the ordinary. I didn’t curse. I didn’t scream at the people around me. My body simply took over and I used the relaxing techniques as best I could to work through it. So was labor painful? For me, yes. But it wasn’t unbearable. And the pain I felt was highly attributed to the position my baby was in.

Giving birth was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but there wasn’t ever a moment in which I thought, I’d rather be at a hospital or I really wish I had the option of pain killers. God designed the woman’s body exactly for this purpose and I reached out to him many times in prayer. There’s a perfect release of endorphins in the ebb and flow of the contractions. The decision my husband and I had made to have a natural and pain medication-free birthing experience was primarily for the sake of the child within me and my resolve was strong to make it through as planned, as long as it was my decision to make.

Turning the Baby

When they came back, they talked to me, and said that one of them was going to try to get the baby to turn. This is really going to hurt, isn’t it?

“Ok,” I said.

And it did, but again, it wasn’t intolerable. I did start to get more vocal during this chapter of my labor. My midwife reminded me to make low moaning noises and not anything too high. In my delirium, I struggled to do what she was asking. She moaned with me. At times my voice would climb its way back up the scale, and she would mimic again what I was to do. Then she said, “There’s a huge difference in your dilation when your voice goes high, you close up, when you moan low, you open up.” Oh, ok. Reasons why go a long way with me. Not that I was trying to be difficult, but understanding “the why” helped me to focus better on the task at hand. That’s one of the reasons The Bradley Method class was so great for my husband and me. It provided a lot of reasons why. So now I was able to visualize opening up when I made the low moaning sound.

Well, the midwife wasn’t able to get my son to turn, but she did manage to push him back a little bit so that he wouldn’t be in the bones where he couldn’t turn as well. Then it was chest and knees time. Today thinking about me lying there with my butt up in the air and my face smashed into a pillow, dealing with contractions, and trying not to let my knees slide back out from under me so that I was as much at an angle as possible, kind of makes me laugh. I’m sure I was a sight, but I certainly didn’t care at the time.

Transition

After some time on my chest and knees, it was back to the…you guessed it! Yes! It was back to my frenemy, the toilet! Except this time, it was with a twist…I was to sit on it reverse. I actually liked this better. Not because it was less intense, but because there were handrails I could grip and they also set a pillow on the back of the toilet, so I could rest my head. Relaxing is crucial during labor. Can you believe I actually managed to sleep those 15-30 seconds when I wasn’t contracting? Even in this most difficult stage of transition, there was relief. Both when I was on my chest and knees, and when I was sitting reverse on the toilet, I was catching Z’s. When I felt a contraction coming on, I would start to moan low to let everyone else know what was going on. I had it figured out at this point. The low moan helped me relax and deal with the contractions better.

Fighting the Urge to Push

Remember how during this time, I was told not to push? Well, both while I was on my chest and knees, and especially when I was on the toilet, I simply couldn’t fight my body. I remember thinking my eyes must have looked like a deer in the headlights as I let the midwife know, “I can’t help it!” This was the only time I was scared that I was doing something that was going to hurt my baby. I so desired to be compliant, but my body wasn’t on board with my plan. The midwife said, “It’s ok. Don’t fight your body…but don’t do anything extra either. Her reassurance was invaluable.

Not pushing when your body wants you to, is like nothing I could ever truly describe in words.  You can’t control it. It’s happening to you. To fight against it caused more agony than anything else I’ve ever experienced. I was relieved to hear that I didn’t have to try to hold back the involuntary pushing that was happening naturally, and this helped me continue to focus on relaxing best I could through the contractions.

Crowning – A Welcome Change

I don’t know how long I labored backwards on the toilet, but I remember the moment when I felt that new and welcome sensation. Burning! I thought. I remember what this is! I’m crowning. Instead of announcing that I thought the baby was crowning, I said, “I feel burning.” And with that my midwife left the room. I remember my husband and me looking at each other, as we were by ourselves for the first time in hours. We were both a little scared, and very tired, and since things were no longer going as expected and we didn’t know what came next, we were unsettled even though we weren’t alone more than a minute or two. He was with me though and he prayed with me. I had prayed in my mind throughout my labor but to have my husband pray over me was especially comforting.

You may be wondering, where did the midwife go? Don’t worry, she didn’t abandon us. When you have a baby, there has to be a care provider for both you and your baby, so my midwife had gone to get one of the others because we were getting close.

When they came back, I waddled over to the bed. A true waddle as I could feel my baby between my legs. Needless to say a very quick glance confirmed that I was, in fact, ready to push, as the baby was crowning. Finally! I was allowed to work with my body! With the next contraction I worked to figure out how to push effectively.

Learning How to Push

I had no idea how to push.  I remember being told not to push all the air out of my mouth, but to use that energy to push. Huh? It was difficult in my tired state to understand how to push and where, but eventually it all came together. My midwife put her hand down and said, “Push against my hand.” That helped. It took me a few contractions to understand and comply with what she was saying but then it became easier and more fruitful as my baby inched his way out. I was told later that from the time I was allowed to “voluntarily” push, to the moment my beautiful baby boy was in my arms was only 16 minutes.

Comic Relief

A few days after the birth of my son, my mother in law and sister recounted their own adventure after we “kicked them out” of the labor room. After they had been asked to leave the room, they waited in the hallway, hoping to come back in. When one of the midwives found them there, she kindly directed them to the waiting room just down the hall. Disappointed, they complied.

My sister was on the phone with my Mother, telling her as much as she knew whenever one of the midwives would come out to give them an update. She had mentioned to them that I may need to transfer.

Once I became vocal as I mentioned before, they stealthily made their way back down the hall to listen again. In an aside my sister informed my mother in law, “That’s all the birth control I need!” Then they heard someone coming to the door and they sprinted down the hall back to the waiting room, avoiding what they were sure was a close call, not wanting to get caught sneaking a listen at the door.

They also reported how one of the midwives came and excitedly exclaimed to them as I worked my way through transition, “We’ve got a baby coming out of a hoo-ha y’all!” That got a good laugh and a “Hooray!”. My Mother, who was on the phone with my sister, was desperately trying to convince her to break into the room and RECORD the birth!

My husband and I were completely oblivious to the craziness outside the walls of our comfy little laboring room, but boy did it set us to laughing in the days to come.

The Most Precious Moments

During these 16 minutes, two very precious events happened. I was getting very tired. I had been laboring near 24 hours and had slept very little. At one point I felt I wasn’t going to have the strength to push out this baby. I remember the third midwife coming in (they loved me and all wanted to be there to support me) and telling me I was doing great and that “This is a big baby, darlin’!” They told me they could see his head and she took my hand and said, “Feel that? That’s your baby.” I distinctly remember the sound of awe that came out of me and the sweet emotion that helped to erupt a new surge of energy. I want to meet my son! His heart rate was strong throughout the entire process and there was never a moment when the midwives were worried about him.

The Final Push – Hello Baby

The second precious event coincided with that final push. All of a sudden, the midwives said, “Now pull him onto your chest. Pull out your baby.” What? I was confused. I never dreamed I’d get to help in this way. So at 6:52 pm I reached down and helped pull my baby out of my body and onto my chest where he took his first breaths and started to make that sweet “welcome to the world” baby cry.

Meeting My Son – Worth it All

The midwives told me later that my son had turned in those last moments before crowning, which was truly amazing. However, my son was not large, as had been expected. He was a moderate 7 pounds, 1 ounce, and 20 inches long. He had added his left hand to the mix so he was a compound presentation. This shouldn’t have surprised me considering in every sonogram picture, his hands were either up by his head or in his mouth.

Our Little Family

My labor was not an easy one, as it was atypical, and I was told many other mamas would have opted to go to the hospital in my situation. I honestly couldn’t even imagine it. With my son on my chest, crying, I whispered softly to him in an effort to soothe him. He eventually found his hand and sucked on it for a little while, ending the crying. My husband cut the umbilical cord once it completed its pulsing, and I soon put my beautifully pink child to the breast for the first time.

The three of us were a little happy family who had come through this adventure…with many more adventures on the horizon.

 

Read More

Short, Simple Routine

Whether you’re putting your child to sleep for the night or for one of the several naps he or she may take that day, having a short, simple routine is a great way to help your baby get to sleep faster and stay asleep longer.

When you do the same things before nap time or bedtime, they become habitual and will cue your baby that it is time to sleep.

List of Ideas

Here is a list of some ideas for you to consider using for your baby’s sleepy-time routine:

  • Give your baby a bath
  • Play with your baby
  • Go for a family walk
  • Sing songs with your baby
  • Listen to music
  • Last feeding for the night
  • Burp your baby
  • Change your baby’s diaper
  • Change baby into nighttime clothes
  • Dance with your baby
  • Read to your baby
  • Bounce with your baby (gently)
  • Sway with your baby
  • Rock the baby
  • Give your baby a massage
  • Use words or phrases to signal sleep
  • Nurse your baby
  • Pat the baby
  • Hug and kiss the baby goodnight

You certainly don’t have to do them all! Pick a few things you and your baby will enjoy doing together. Don’t forget to incorporate Daddy or another family member into the mix so you aren’t the only one who can get the baby to sleep.

Once you have selected the things that work well for you and your baby, write them down so you remember what you did and in what order. It’s a good idea to start with your most active and noisiest activity and bright light and work your way down and end with something calm and quiet in a dark room.

What does your routine look like?

This list is by no means exhaustive! Tell us what you do to get your baby to sleep.

 

Read More