Parenting Advice

6 Tips for Teaching Children to Listen

Published: 8 January 2019
Written by Lil Dino Mommy
No comments
Categories: Marriage, Pregnancy and Parenthood

How many times do we wonder, “Is this kid even listening to me?” When my first child was on the brink turning two, I was asking myself this question. It wasn’t until he was nearly three that I finally found a solution that worked!

I’ve read and searched and studied the answer to this question and it didn’t take me long to realize, that it starts with me. I have to “train my child in the way he should go”. This includes teaching him how to listen, and how to respond to my expectations of him.

It also is something I need to be modeling for him, which brings up another question…”Am I listening to my husband?” Definite food for thought there…

If you’re finding parenting a challenge, you’re not alone, but don’t let yourself fall into a “victim” mentality. Take action!

God has created a perfect model of what parenting should look like. Training is really all about teaching consequences to our children. What better way to set a young person up for the “real world” than to teach them from their little bitty youth, that every single action has a consequence?

1. Set Expectations. When it comes to teaching young children to listen (the first time!), we parents have to enforce the rules accordingly. If you have said or requested something of your child and they are not responding, enforce the consequence of breaking that rule.

2. Start Early. It is easier to train a young child before bad habits are formed, than to retrain old and bad habits. However, don’t lose heart if your child is older. You might explain to your child that things are going to be different now. You didn’t understand before, but now that you know better, you’ll do better and it’s all because you love them dearly.

3. Act Swiftly! Don’t let it fester. If you are to the point of frustration or anger, you have waited much too long to act. God rebukes and chastens us in love. We are to guide our children in the same loving way. We want to respond, not react, to our children’s behavior.

4. Be Consistent. This is the key to having peace in your home as quickly as possible. It is confusing for a child to “get away with it” the first three times you said it, and then get a swat on the fourth time. Now you’ve trained your child to obey on the fourth request, rather than the first.

5. Keep Trying. Don’t let failures set you back or keep you from trying again. Ask for advice from godly friends and take it all with a grain of salt against what God outlines in His word. It was a friend who recommended a book to me that helped tremendously. Her children are older than mine and they are all loving, respectful, and smart. I wanted that for my children.

6. Diligently Seek Wisdom and Discernment. Pray about your parenting. None of us are perfect, but when we allow God to lead us by studying His word, we gain knowledge and a better understanding of how we are to behave.

If you have questions or comments, please share below!

“Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

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These Hobbies Can Help Your Kids Put Down Those Screens

Published: 2 November 2018
Written by Lil Dino Mommy
1 Comment
Categories: Parenthood

Here’s another great article from our guest poster Maria Cannon. To read more from Maria, go check out her website here. It’s “Your Place for Hobbies”!

Do your kids spend their weekends staring at screens?

Well, you may be surprised to know that too much screen time can actually be bad for their health. That’s one of the reasons it is so important for children to spend time discovering new hobbies. More than just a way to burn time, hobbies can provide stress relief, help little minds develop and even be beneficial for their health. Need some ideas to get your kids started? Here are some hobbies guaranteed to get them away from those screens and having actual fun instead.

Make New Friends With Play and Sports

If your children are glued to the couch too much, it could have a major impact on their overall health. Studies show that teenagers these days tend to be less active than seniors, and that means more instances of obesity and related health issues. Keeping your children active, whether it’s by encouraging them to play or try a new sport, can help prevent some of those problems from becoming major issues. Play is also a great way for your kids to connect with other children their age, so try to schedule some play dates with friends or other families that you know. You can also encourage your child to get involved with organized sports. Basketball is a great sport for kids to try and keeps them moving the entire game. Before your kid hits the court, look online for the best basketball shoes that offer comfort while staying affordable.

 Connect with Nature and the Outdoors

Want to improve your child’s self-esteem and help them relieve stress? Get them to take their hobbies outside. Spending time outdoors can help children in several key ways. Kids who spend more time outside tend to have improved vision quality, better social skills, and more focus than those who do not. Exposure to sunlight can also increase vitamin D production, as well as decrease stress and feelings of depression. Wondering what hobbies you can do outside with your children? The possibilities are endless. You can start simple by planning some backyard bird watching, or you can teach them how to garden. If you are feeling adventurous, you could even take your family for some hikes or other excursions into nature. There are also scouting groups that can help your children develop a love of nature, as well as other essential life skills.

Unleash Their Creativity on Arts and Crafts

Did you know that the arts can aid development in your children? By practicing arts and crafts as a hobby, your kids are enhancing their fine motor skills, learning to make decisions and developing visual-spatial skills. The arts are also a fun and creative way for kids to explore other cultures. So encourage your children to put down their tablets and pick up a paintbrush or some clay instead. Visit a local arts and crafts store to pick up some basic art supplies, or look online for budget-friendly starter kits that have all budding Bob Rosses’ need. Children benefit the most from art when they have the space to create freely, so let them have fun and keep the experience positive from start to finish for everyone.

Boost Self-Esteem by Baking for Others

When you think of hobbies your kids might enjoy, you may not consider cooking and baking. Studies show, however, that baking for others can have some very positive impacts on self-esteem and mental health. Putting together a meal or baking a cake can help your children practice creative expression, an important element in nurturing positive mental health. You can get your children started by planning a family baking session. Select a kid-friendly recipe and try to keep things simple at first. Depending on your children’s ages and abilities, you may even want to pick up some kitchen equipment that can make the experience safer for little hands.

Kids need hobbies to keep them healthy. So, give your kids a break from those screens and encourage them to explore a new passion. Their bodies, minds, and health will thank you!

Photo Credit: Pixabay

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Getting Stuff Done With (Not Despite) Your Child

Published: 9 April 2018
Written by Lil Dino Mommy
No comments
Categories: Marriage, Pregnancy and Parenthood

I Didn’t Enter Into Motherhood Gracefully

It finally happened. 15 months. I had time. Not long. Just a few minutes where I could do whatever I wanted.

And you know what happened? I hadn’t a clue what to do with myself!

If I’ve learned anything since my son was brought into this world, it’s that I have to give myself a lot of grace. I’m not very good at that. I want to be SuperMom and somehow anything short of that makes me feel guilty.

I want to keep a perfectly neat and tidy home. (The true disillusion is thinking I really did this even BEFORE beginning my parenthood journey!)

I want to have energy to do the 272 projects on my list, including sewing, and crafting, and learning new skills.

I want to invest in all my family and friendships and have a freezer meal prepped for every occasion and be able to give my time. The saying, “It’s the thought that counts” has never meant more to me than it does in this phase of life.

The truth is, my house is a mess. The dogs don’t get the same attention they did before my son was born, granted now that he’s old enough, they get love from my son too. I am not the greatest or most present friend these days. I’m not as helpful at get-togethers as I used to be. I feel tired and unmotivated often, especially in the evenings after my baby boy is asleep.

It IS Getting Easier

All this to say, I can look back to this time last year or even six months ago and realize that it is getting easier. Putting it all in perspective, this is just a phase, and chances are I will be able to accomplish more this time next year than I can right now…just as I can do more now than I could with a three month old.

However, the fact remains, I can never go back, so trying to accomplish things in the same way I used to probably isn’t a realistic approach. How I get things accomplished is definitely morphing and, from what I can tell by observing my friends with multiple children, a skill to be learned and perfected over time.

My Little Helper

I’m trying to have the attitude of doing things with my son, rather than despite him being around.

Here is one example. Instead of waiting for him to go to sleep to switch out a load of laundry, I simply include him in the task. Sure it takes longer, but it’s actually made the task much more enjoyable, and the bonus is I get to teach my son life skills, which is as important to his development as learning his colors and shapes.

It’s actually really cute. I open the dryer and washer doors and hand him the clean, damp laundry a few at a time and he puts them in the dryer for me. Then he closes the doors to both and to the laundry room (sometimes not before pushing all the dinging buttons) as well.

Still Figuring it Out

Other tasks are more difficult, like doing dishes. I haven’t figured that one out yet, although now when I am prepping the food for dinner, I put him on a step-stool so he can watch. He also has taken on the role of taste-tester while doing this. I got this idea from a friend (who is such a graceful mother) and it has changed how soon I can get dinner on.

So, that’s where we’re at 15 months. As always, our ever-changing family is a beautiful work in progress.

What about you?

How has parenthood changed how you do things?

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Train Up a Child…

Published: 28 November 2017
Written by Lil Dino Mommy
No comments
Categories: Marriage, Pregnancy and Parenthood, Parenthood

Let’s Get Real.

I am seriously thinking about deleting all the game apps from my phone and iPad.

My sister and I were recently discussing all the things we could accomplish and all the things we could learn, if we just put down our phones. We have very different lives as I have a husband and son and she is currently single and scratching the itch to travel. So, while I have been working on teaching myself to crochet better, she is learning a 2nd language in her spare time. Putting down the phones and partaking in these worthwhile hobbies is something that we both can benefit from. These are hobbies that will still hold some value tomorrow.

These games that are time wasters hold no value at any time (except for the game developer if you purchase the in-game currency…500 magic beans anyone?). While I think of these games as something I do when I’m relaxing and just “veggin out”, what they are actually doing is stealing my joy.

While they are sucking the time in my life away, I am missing out on something much more fulfilling. Even watching TV with my husband would be a step up. That sounds pretty sad, but it’s true.

How Much is a Picture Worth?

Let me paint a picture. After the baby has gone to sleep and I’m exhausted. All I want to do is put my feet up and relax. I don’t want to think about anything. I don’t want to use my brain. I want to shut down for a bit. I know I should do the dishes or write an article, but I plop down on the couch, pull the handle to prop up my feet, and reach for the iPad. It takes my eyes and both hands to play a silly game, and sometimes even a little concentration. My husband sits one seat away on the couch. We aren’t touching. I don’t talk much, listen well, or respond as I should. This picture is embarrassing…but it has been me many an evening.

Now let me paint a slightly different picture. It’s not the most ideal, but it’s much better, in my opinion.

After our son is in bed, my husband and I sit down on the couch and flip on the television. We get comfortable, leaning into each other or holding hands, or rubbing each other’s feet. We have some light conversation, share some laughter in the show we are watching.

That’s better right? Ok, so we didn’t clean the house from top to bottom… Ok, so we didn’t have an intellectual discussion about the Bible… And definitely we need to do these things as well, however, just one step in the right direction paints an entirely different picture, doesn’t it?

I need to put down the game. Period.

Now imagine we turn the television off and play a game, or read, or pray together. Now that’s quality time!

Didn’t Have or Didn’t Make

I can’t tell you how many times I have said, “I just didn’t have time for…(fill in the blank).” But if I am honest with myself, I don’t have to dig that deep to realize the reality is, I didn’t make time.

Good time management overcomes the problem of “there aren’t enough hours in the day”. Oftentimes, I get to the end of the day and haven’t spent my time doing the things I should have been. I think, “What did I all day?” Now during the day, I’m not sitting down and playing app games all day, but I do find that I don’t push myself to accomplish simple tasks. I let the combination of all the items on my To Do list overwhelm me.

However, my concern goes beyond washing laundry and doing dishes…especially now that I am a mother. The questions that plague me at the end of the day are Did I spend enough quality time with my son? Did I play with him enough? Sing to him enough? Read to him enough? And when I can answer immediately no, I really didn’t, I am very saddened. Sure, I have a million-and-one excuses that nobody would question, but I know in my heart that I can do better.

Train Up a Child in the Way He Should Go…

I have a unique opportunity in our western culture to be a stay-at-home mother. That means I have the privilege as well as the responsibility to “teach my son in the way he should go…” I am realizing every day, that teaching began the moment he was born.

…And He Will Not Depart from It

My son is watching my every move and although he may not remember what I did or didn’t do today, what I do and say and how I do and say it (joyfully or with a bad attitude) will still impress upon him in the days to come. He can still learn from what happens today, even if he has no memory of it 5 years from now… Or 50 years from now…

That’s a humbling thought, isn’t it? How many of us see a child acting wild in public and think “The parents should do something. Where are they?” Anyone’s hands raised? Now how many of us blame the parents when we see a grown person doing something they shouldn’t? Obviously, as adults we are responsible for our own actions, but there is much to be said for helping children to form good routines and healthy habits early on. If I can get it together now, while he is young, I can be setting up my son for success later in life.

No pointless screen time today is worth not helping my son achieve his goals in the future.

Turn Away My Eyes from Worthless Things…

Another verse that convicted me this week about my screen addiction:

“Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, And revive me in Your way.”

Psalm 119:37

I need to allow God to work in my heart and in my life. I need to allow Him to revive me in HIS way. How do we allow God to do this? Well, we follow the commands in His Word. We seek His truth and wisdom written there. If we aren’t reading, we aren’t seeking.

The Bible speaks of being disciplined. Disciple is important for a functional life and God knows this. He did create us after all.

I need to do better, but I don’t have to do it alone because God is my helper and He provides peace and joy and love when we obey Him and rest in His lovingkindness.

What about you?

What’s keeping you from accomplishing the things on your list? Is there anything in your life you’re allowing to steal your joy or keep you from obeying God’s will?

“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

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Moments I Could Have Missed…

Published: 22 September 2017
Written by Lil Dino Mommy
No comments
Categories: Marriage, Pregnancy and Parenthood, Parenthood

*Note: Our family has been in the throes of moving chaos and this post got lost in the shuffle. It was originally written in mid-July, about two months ago, but it is just too sweet not to share. Please enjoy this snapshot into my family’s dearest moments.

Please Just Go To Sleep

Tonight my son had a difficult time going to sleep. We started his bedtime routine on time just as we do each night, and went through our whole process. It took him almost an hour longer to fall asleep than usual. Any parent reading this I’m sure has also pleaded in weariness, “Why is this happening to me?”

As a first time Momma, I’ve read a lot in an effort to learn about babies and sleep. In the spirit of full disclosure, I definitely wasn’t following many of the suggestions that have been given on this particular night. We’ve been going through quite a transition lately because we are in the process of moving. The routine is all over the place and despite my best efforts to maintain consistency for my baby’s sake, some days it just hasn’t been possible.

Why Are You So Stinkin’ Cute?!

So tonight, instead of keeping everything dark and quiet, as my son began to cycle awake, I just went with the flow, too tired to fight it. When his eyes popped open and he smiled, I knew we were in for it. He didn’t want to nurse anymore, so I put him up on my shoulder. Then he saw his Daddy laying quietly on the bed. Another smile and a bounce.

I was still rocking him in the trusty ol’ rocking chair and he started to giggle. I realized with him on my shoulder, rocking was a bit more of a ride than a calm way to settle him. You would think I would have stop upon realizing this, but instead I gave in to the fun! So, as I rocked back, I gave him a little bounce and a “Weee”. This produced another giggle. We continued this way for a few minutes and the giggles grew into a continuous chain of laughter from all three of us. I can honestly say, neither my husband or I have seen and heard my son laugh so much and so hard. It was hilarious, entertaining, and heart-warming to see my son having so much fun…even if he was SUPPOSED to be sleeping.

Cry It Out Isn’t For Us

There is a lot of pressure for parents today to let their babies “cry it out” as a method of sleep training. This post is not meant to condemn those who choose this method, but rather encourage those who do not WANT to choose this method for their child. In another post, I will address the reasons my husband and I have decided that this method is not for us and our son. And although there have been times I’ve nearly caved to this sleep “training” method, today I simply want to say, I’m so glad we didn’t miss this precious and enjoyable moment. It was so very special.

No amount of couch time, TV watching, game playing, book reading, or even adult conversation (which I do desperately crave these days), or progress in unpacking could have been any more enjoyable and fulfilling than those few minutes of playtime and laughter with our son. My husband and I will remember it forever.

If We Had Chosen CIO, We Would Have Missed This!

There are other experiences with my baby I hold dear that would not be the same if I didn’t nurse, sing, or rock him to sleep. One of the sweetest things that comes to mind is how my son pats my face while I rock him and sing. His little hand finds my mouth (sometimes I’m like a fish on a hook with his little fingers in my mouth) as he feels my warm breath on his hand. His little fingers crawl up and find my nose which becomes a handle, as he closes his eyes. I can’t tell you how many times he has fallen asleep with his hand on my face and I absolutely love it.

In fact, it’s become a new part of our nap time routine for me to name the features of my face as his fingers touch them. “Mouth”, “nose”, and sometimes even “eyes” if I lean down close enough. We are also working on signing for milk which we can incorporate a bit before he falls asleep.

I wouldn’t trade these sweet moments for all the 8-hour uninterrupted nights I’m missing out on. They are just too precious.

A dear friend told me that waiting 18 months for this sleep thing to work itself out “sounds like torture”. She is not a stranger to sleepless nights as her son is only a few months older than mine and we like to help each other in sharing our thoughts on various parenting topics.

One Day, He’ll Be Grown

And yes, I am tired. However, I have peace in the knowledge that one day my son will sleep through the night. One day he will wean and not need Mommy’s milk (affectionately called nursies in our home) for nourishment or even comfort anymore. One day, he’ll be too big to rock to sleep. One day, he will not need me to sing to him so that he can fall asleep, in fact, he may not want me to sing to him at all. One day, I won’t lay him in his crib (and co-sleeping will be a dream) as he’ll crawl into bed on his own, shoo me away, read his book on his own, flip off the light, and go to sleep…all by himself. And I’ll miss him.

Today, my son is nearly 8 1/2 months old and I can hardly believe how fast time is passing. These few months, which may add up to only a couple years will pass quickly enough, with or without sleep (and to be honest, I am finding ways to get rest). I simply choose to cherish all these moments while I have the opportunity to do so.

Proverbs 23:15-16

“My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart also will be glad; and my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right.”

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How I slept 7 hours: Sleep Saga Continued

Published: 6 May 2017
Written by Lil Dino Mommy
2 Comments
Categories: Marriage, Marriage, Pregnancy and Parenthood, Parenthood

Co-Sleeping 

There’s a lot to be said about co-sleeping. However, this post isn’t to hash out the safety precautions or to rave about the family bed. I simply want to write to share that co-sleeping is how I was able to sleep 7 hours last night. 

Seasoned co-sleepers will be nodding their approval I’m sure while others may cringe upon reading the words “family bed”, but my hope is that some where out there another tired Mama might be able to use one more suggestion to help her get a little more rest.

Milestones and Growth

My son is going through many milestone changes all at once.  It’s taking what seems like forever to cut his first tooth. Due to the drool and chomping, we’ve been expecting it for over a month now.  He’s recently hit 6 months and this past week, his constant eating and excessive night waking surely indicates the 6 month growth spurt. 

And now, my 6 month old is mobile! What?! Oh yes! He’s not full on crawling (yet!), but he is army crawling everywhere! It’s incredible. So we quickly did the baby-proofing shuffle. (I attribute this early progress to all the floor and tummy time with Daddy.)

If you’ve searched the web for anything like “why isn’t my baby sleeping? ” and insert the age of the baby, many times you’ll be reminded that during milestones, they just don’t sleep all that well.  Needless to say, my baby is feeling a little more clingy than usual.

So while I want to curse the lack of sleep, my “joy comes in the morning” as I realize all the amazing things my son is learning and has achieved. (Praise God for the fleas.)

Our 7 Hour Night

Usually I put my son to bed in his crib around 6:30pm. Then my husband and I are able to spend some time together and relax for the evening. My son wakes up to eat between 10:30 to midnight, then wakes up again a couple times in the early morning light sleep but can usually quickly be put back to bed.

Well, last night was a horse of a different color! He woke up at 9 pm and ate like he was starving! Then we went through the routine of burping and laying him back in his crib. No way, he wasn’t having it. Upon his head (or foot or hand) hitting the sheets, he immediately woke up and fussed. I don’t know how many times over the next hour I tried to lay him in his crib. It was a lot. He was perfectly content and asleep there on my shoulder.

So finally, I gave in to my own need for rest and went into his room to lay down on the mattress (on the floor) we use for his nap times. He stayed asleep. Until 5 am. What?! Oh yes! I didn’t know he could do that either!

Well, I may not have seen my own bed last night and I did miss my husband but getting to sleep without interruption for the first time in 6 months was incredible!

Decisions

I’m not really sure what’s around the bend. My husband and I discussed it this morning and we think we’re all finally ready to move our son’s crib into HIS room instead of in ours. We considered it at 4 months when he was growing out of the bassinet, but I told my husband I wasn’t ready, so we moved his crib into our room.

We also laughed as we realized, this probably means we’ll all be camped out in his room while he makes this transition. My son, me, my husband, who doesn’t want to sleep alone either, and our two dogs are moving into the nursery tonight! 

Go ahead and smile and laugh as you picture it. You know it’s funny. 

Right or Wrong

As I continue to post about our sleep/no-sleep adventure with our firstborn, (I say “our” because my husband is definitely in this “together” with me.) it dawned on me all the opinions that MUST be floating around out there.

Every parent does things differently (and from what I hear, differently from child to child as well), but it seems many people want to “put their oar” in without actually listening to the desires of the parent they’re trying to mentor.

There’s so much differing information about child rearing and it can be difficult to sift through it all, and very easy to feel like a failure once you chosen a path and then hear something different or read an article with a differing perspective. It can be downright stressful!

The fact is, God didn’t make us all from the same mold. Throughout creation you can see God’s appreciation for the unique. The individual characteristics and strengths He created in all of us is evident in our very children as we watch them grow. We appreciate these attributes in others, except perhaps it may seem, when it comes to parenting? 

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to tell my story. And I love to give advice to others. In fact, I’m known to apologize in advance and give permission for the other person to tell me “thanks, but, no thanks” when I want to give advice! 

What I want to encourage here is that the advice we are giving is given out of love. And may I also suggest that the advice given is for the benefit of the other person and not for our own parenting knowledge gold star or feather in our cap. 

This isn’t a plug for everyone’s “truth” is right for them. God’s truth is the only truth and He has made that very clear when it comes to right and wrong. God didn’t make us all the same, though he did gave us commandments about certain things. 

I think we can all agree that those commandments don’t cover what color I should wear today anymore than whether I should breastfeed one year or two (or, dare I say it, more. Gasp!). I mean look at how different we all are from one another! Naturally we’re going to have different parenting styles as well. 

Wisdom in a Multitude of Counselors

Don’t go it alone. There is something to be said for asking for godly advice in all aspects of our life. Proverbs says, there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors. So choose a few people you trust and ask for their perspective. They may come up with some good ideas you haven’t thought of yet! 

And for those unsolicited advisors, don’t tune them out completely. You may be able to glean some gold nuggets from their experiences. Be encouraged, that their intentions are most likely good, they just aren’t very graceful about how to tell their story or offer advice that doesn’t sound judgmental. Chances are they don’t know how it makes you feel.

So wherever you are in your journey, whatever your challenge, take heart that although we are all different people, you can surround yourself with loving and encouraging people to help you through it. Even if no one else knows what to suggest in your situation, you can always ask them to pray for you. 

“Bear one another’s burdens…”
Galatians 6:2a

“Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”
Proverbs 11:14

“…Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.”
Psalm 30:5b

Let us hear from you!

What advice might you have for my situation?
What, if any, sleep challenges have you had with your children?

 

 

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It Takes a Village? | by IV, V and Me

Published: 30 March 2017
Written by Lil Dino Mommy
No comments
Categories: Marriage, Pregnancy and Parenthood, Parenthood

Guest Post by IV, V and Me
Visit her website by clicking here.

“It Takes a Village”

We have all heard it… shoot, I think I even said it last week, but is ‘it takes a village’ just a phrase or is it really truth? Honestly, this phrase never even crossed my mind until my son was born and all the villagers came out of hiding with the good, the bad and the ugly advice; but this didn’t really bother me until I got some parenting experience under my belt. My son is 9 months old so obviously I am now an expert… even so; I was now ready to bestow my “parenting wisdom” on other moms. As soon as another mom mentioned any struggle she was having with her kids, I wanted to jump in to save the day with my expert advice on the matter… queue the other mom holding back on rolling her eyes as I ask the question all moms know too well “have you tried this?” like she hadn’t googled every possible solution to the problem she was dealing with. Was I really going to be that villager, the one with the pitchfork of advice at the ready any time I talked to another mom? Is a village necessary to survive parenthood? If so, what is truly needed?

Getting to the truth

I decided it was time to actually get other mommy perspectives on the subject of  ‘it takes a village’.  So, I gave a shout out to the Facebook world with 4 questions, two for and two against parenting advice to see if the “village” was more helpful or harmful.

Once you become a mom, something that is needed is thick skin, so that when you do end up receiving unwarranted advice, you can take it with a grain of salt. My friend Jamey W. said it best “I have heard/felt things that while harsh at the time, as I reflected (and minimized my pride) realized they were probably right or at least something there that should be considered.” This is a mom with a teenager and a college student; her answer is why I need to have mentors in my village to explain, “Pride causes us to miss a lot of truth.” Yes, getting offended is a cultural phenomenon, but instead of pouting, I can take what has been said and use it to grow and become a better, more developed person. I learned pride gets in the way of even allowing myself to be surrounded by a village. One obvious way I realized I needed growth in was learning that my son could benefit from being around others.

At first, I was very hesitant to allow other people be around my son, I mean, I made him… I can be selfish, right? But once I got past that, I found how beneficial it was to have others interact with my child. They would play with him in ways that never would have crossed my mind, and truly showed me new ways to love my son.  “It is incredibly valuable to be in community with other people who pour into and love your child– they speak into their lives in a multitude of ways, and it’s powerful and humbling and so much better than doing it on your own. Other people can speak into their gifts, challenges, and behavior in a way that you can’t, and they see the things you have blind spots to.” –Annie M. This is why it is so important to have peers be in my village. Your peers can help you to be more creative with teaching and during play time as Jenna S. saw this as “a refreshing reminder to not let your child play her way right through her days without me, I just don’t want to miss It.” This has also opened my eyes to the fact that controlling every aspect of my life is just not attainable; I need help and support.

            Being a very controlling person, I really wanted to do everything on my own and then… well, exhaustion set in. The other night I broke down (my son has started waking up at 2:00am hyper and not going back to sleep until 3:30am), my husband offered to pray with me as I was rocking our son to sleep and I said, “no, I just want to get Ru to sleep.” It took me about 5 minutes to realize what I needed was my husband to pray over me and once I gave up that control, it was like a gospel choir came rising up singing “Hallelujah”! A wise friend stated, “Praying that the Lord would guide you in each situation and lead you on how to love, affirm, teach, correct, and discipline in a way that is honoring to him. Praying isn’t hard to do, but always feeling prepared and equipped can be hard when it comes to parenting.” This makes me realize that protectors are needed in my village. God allows us to lean on him and others just as a friend who is a fellow new mom has grown to “learn now more than ever to trust in God’s plan and have faith that no matter what, He knows what is best and He is leading our lives.” After recognizing all that was needed for my village to be a great support system, there was something gnawing at the back of mind, something that was missing.

             Out of all the moms I had asked these questions to, one specifically made me realize something most moms are afraid to say “I am one amazing woman and mom.” –Jen H. She is a single mom who has had to learn how to be strong for her and her kids. “But our God is good. And he put me through some tough times that led me to now. And who am I now? A fully functional adult who can clean and not lose her cool; I make doctors appointments and make sure the kids get their fruits and veggies.” This is when I realized confidence is needed in myself for the village. I am my toughest critique when it comes to my skills as a mother but why can’t I admit that some days I am doing a great job or some things I do rock at as a mother. I feel confidence could be such a great tool for us to spur on to be even better, to never stop trying to achieve the goal of loving our children fiercely.

The Do’s and Don’ts

Here are some of the BEST advice moms have benefited from hearing:

“You’re going to make mistakes, they grow up despite us, and they grow up fast so enjoy every moment.” –Jennie H.

“It is the ride of your life! Have fun! Find what works for you and do that.” –SueEllen H.

“Sleep when the baby sleeps” –Candace T., Chrissy S.

“Never let the kids leave the house without saying you love them.  And always say encouraging words to your children.” –Ann M.

“Each difficult stage is temporary and you will miss It.” –Calli K.

“Do what you feel is best for you and your child and not to worry about what others think.” –Amanda B.

  Things to keep in mind NOT to do:

“Saying things like ‘they are going to see it eventually.’  It doesn’t mean they need to see it now!” –Candace T.

“My sister-in-law never had kids and she always told me how to raise them, she would punish them in front of me when they would do something that was no big deal to me.” –Ann M.

“I felt pressured by others to use formula, feed her puréed and solid food, to sleep train when I wasn’t quite ready yet.” –Calli K.

“I have had a lot of people tell me that my daughter is big for her age and maybe I should watch what I feed her.” –Amanda B.

“As I was struggling to get my firstborn to latch I decided to pump and bottle feed her until our latch was successful. My MIL told me bottle-feeding wouldn’t create as strong of a bond as breastfeeding would. My bond with both my children is unbreakable and bottle shaming is as ridiculous and insensitive as breast shaming. Fed is best!” –Anonymous

“People trying to fix problems I’ve been working on forever like my child’s diet or showing distaste for the freedoms I allow.” –Jenna S.

So, is ‘it takes a village’ just a phrase or is it truth?

The truth is, it takes the right village… so choose wisely.

-IV, V and Me

We want to hear from you!

Tell us about the advice you have received, including the good, the bad, and the ugly!

What advice would you want to give new or expecting parents?

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10 Exercises You Can Do WITH Your Baby

Published: 28 February 2017
Written by Lil Dino Mommy
No comments
Categories: Marriage, Marriage, Pregnancy and Parenthood, Parenthood

The New Mama Workout

If you’re like me, you’re already wearing your sweatpants around the house and have your hair pulled into a messy bun anyway. So what’s a Mama to do when she’s all dressed up for the gym with no time to go?

New and seasoned mothers alike know how difficult it is to work exercise into your day to day activity.

Having a baby significantly changes our bodies and we need time to recover. But once your healthcare provider gives you the all clear, here are 10 exercises you can do with your baby.

(By the way, Dads, you can do these too!)

Baby’s Tummy-Time = Exercises on the Floor

1. Push-ups. When my son is playing on the floor, I’m putting in floor time too with 5 sets of 10 push-ups. (Yes, I do the girly ones.) Sometimes my son even stops to watch Mommy work.

2. Sit-ups or crunches. Another good exercise to do while baby is playing on the floor. You may even want to get real creative and hold your baby in the air while doing reverse crunches. This one has been especially hard for me postpartum. I started with just 10 sit-ups, twice a day and I could barely do them. It’s ok to start low and work your way up!

3. Pelvic Rocking. This is also a great exercise for pregnant women. To help strengthen your back, get on all fours. Keeping your shoulders still and knees planted, relax lower back, which allows pelvis to tilt forward, then level your back and tuck hips under. Do slowly and rhythmically. (Exercises from The Bradley Method handbook.)

4. Stretching. You know what stretching is and what your body needs so do whatever stretching you need for that day. Legs, arms, back. Goodness knows, my whole body gets all out of whack on a daily basis!

Exercises for a fussy baby or to help put baby to sleep

5. Squats. This one is good to do when your baby simply won’t let you sit. I tend to do these as a part of our nap time routine since he likes me to stand and bounce him anyway. Try doing 2 sets of 10 for each nap time and increasing as your baby gets older. They really add up when your baby is napping 3 times a day!

6. Lunges. Another unique way to hold your fussy baby who won’t let you put him down. So get up and get moving! 2 sets of 10 for each nap, increase number of sets as baby’s nap number decreases with age.

7. Torso Twists. Swaying with a baby is a great way to encourage them to take a nap. 20+ Torso Twists are just swaying with form and a duel purpose!

8. Walk or Pace. Can you tell I have a child that doesn’t like me to sit still? Get a step counter and see how many steps you can take around the house. Going outside for some sunshine will also be good for both you and your baby.

Exercises for the Couch Potato (Or Tired Parent)

9. Chest presses. Ok, ok significantly modified chest presses, but finally one you can do on the couch! Use your baby as your weight and lift him into the air doing reps.  As a bonus, you’ll probably get some smiles or giggles from your baby too! Each baby’s weight varies so how many can you do before your arms feel like Jell-O? (Remember, these weights naturally increase over time so be consistent or one day that baby’s heaviness may surprise you!) Be careful to hold him around the chest and not by the arms or stomach. Good head control is also a must before doing this one.

10. Leg lifts. Again modified, but we sleepy parents do what we can, when we can. Lower the leg support on your couch or La-Z-boy and do some leg lifts. 5 sets of 10 should do the trick (for each leg – oh come on, no complaining. We’re not that lazy!)

Share your story:

Can you think of other exercises you can do while holding or playing with your young baby? Share them with us!

“But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.”
1 Corinthians 9:27

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Our Little Dinosaur

Published: 9 January 2017
Written by Lil Dino Mommy
No comments
Categories: Marriage, Marriage, Pregnancy and Parenthood, Parenthood, Pregnancy

Our Little Dinosaur

This endearing term refers to my son. The name was coined by my husband (aka Lil Dino Daddy) a few weeks before he was born.

One day, while he and I were shopping for baby clothes at our local resale shop, my husband would only consider items that had dinosaurs on them.  After my son arrived in early November, 2016, we finally gave those cute little clothes a purpose. Remembering our shopping adventure, I stealthily selected one of the outfits my husband had picked out – one featuring dinosaurs. I then dressed my tiny baby boy and took him into the other room to show his Daddy. Once my husband saw him in his “stegosaurus” outfit, his eyes grew wide in excitement as he exclaimed, “Aww, come here my little dinosaur!” The name stuck, along with many other endearing pet names we have come up with as time passes.

Our Journey

My husband and I were married nearly six years when I discovered I was pregnant. Those nine months of pregnancy were so very special to me. I loved being pregnant, despite some of the side effects and less than enjoyable symptoms. I enjoyed watching my belly grow and feeling my son move around as he developed and grew strong. I nested from day one. My first baby project was throwing a gender reveal party. We wanted to share our important news with those closest to us, who had prayed with us and supported us.  After that, building the gift registry was especially enjoyable. I researched everything and read dozens upon dozens of reviews before adding them to my list. Browsing through all those cute little baby things only added to the imaginings of my child as I thought of him smiling, playing, and growing. Then the baby shower day arrived! Mothers of all ages shared their tales of pregnancy and parenthood as we shared a meal, played games, and laughed together.

The Learning Curve

Then there was the learning curve. I especially loved the learning part that is involved with a first pregnancy. There is so much to know! The research I did and the knowledge I obtained before delivering my son, (along with the support of my husband and the midwives), was definitely the most positive contributor to the birthing experience.

Now that my baby is here, the learning continues. Oh boy, does the learning continue, whether you enjoy it or not! Learning everything one needs to know to be a hopefully good…ok, Lord, at least decent… parent is all the more challenging while struggling to function through sleep deprivation. This lack of energy in those early months…ok, ok, the first year…has made the time to research and read is as fleeting as those z’s I longed to catch. I realized just how little I invested in the learning that would have been most helpful to me… What I really needed to know was what to expect AFTER my son was born.

This is record of our journey from a mother’s perspective. (Although, I plan to ask Lil Dino Daddy for his perspective too. Where would we be without our Daddies?) I’ll share with you as much as I can from the first moments when we learned we were going to be parents, to the challenges of breastfeeding, tricks for encouraging tummy time, and guiding our son as he learns to walk and talk, and obey. This is our story of “baby makes three” and maybe beyond one day.

My desire is that readers will find this an insightful resource, with stories that both entertain and encourage. My goal as I recount this adventure, is to build this site to be a helpful to mommies-to-be (and daddies too!) as well as new parents. We’ll talk about marriage too, as this is the building block to a healthy, thriving, functional family.

I hope that as readers have questions, you will feel free to pose them, and find many of your answers here.

So, let the journey begin….

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11

Do you have a nickname or an endearing term for your baby or child? Share in the comments below.

Read More on Pregnancy:

I’m Pregnant!
Announcing My Pregnancy
Getting Pregnant: It’s Not Like What You See on TV

Read About Breastfeeding:

Prayer, Perseverance, and the Path to 100% Breast Milk
6 Tips and Tricks for Efficient Pumping
Oops, I Just Pumped and My Baby is Hungry
Fed is Best

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