Remember, our bodies are designed to be amazing! God thought of everything and our bodies respond to the needs of our babies.
The concept of “emptying the breast” can be a bit misleading, but have no fear, our breasts were designed for the purpose of feeding our children. And this is still true even after pumping.
The breast is never truly emptied. Think instead of the milk being extracted from the breast as a supply and demand issue. It’s true that milk production is constant. When the breast is less full, the production speed picks up, and as the breast gets fuller, production slows.
Imagine a factory is making and selling a widget. While the widget is in demand, the factory is working quickly to satisfy its customers. If the demand for the widget decreases, so does the speed of production, and the excess stored.
Your baby will also begin to eat closer together as it gets later in the day. There’s a reason for this too. The fat content of your milk is higher which aids your baby in being able to sleep a longer stretch.
So if you just pumped and are trying to build a freezer stash, don’t double whammy your efforts by giving your baby a bottle. This hinders your efforts of creating a stash but, more importantly, tells your body to slow production. Even if you think you’re “empty” when your baby wakes up to eat, go ahead and nurse him. The feeding may take longer but if he’s alert and has a correct latch he’ll still be getting something.
To avoid the longer feedings, try pumping after he eats. Then the baby is satisfied and your stash is able to grow, even if it’s just a little at a time.
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.”
Psalm 139:14
Our son wasn’t born sick, but the path from thriving baby to struggling baby happened very quickly.
He was born with both a lip and a tongue tie but of course, we didn’t know that. I have to say, of all the tests care providers run when a child is born, I wish they had checked the mouth for these defects as well.
The first time I ever put my son to the breast, he didn’t take to it well. We did everything right to give him a good start. I’d had the natural birth – medication free, and pulled my baby onto my bare chest the moment he was born for instant skin to skin contact. We’d waited to cut the umbilical cord until it stopped pulsing so he would get as much blood and nutrients as he could from this life source.
We stayed at the birth center for quite a while so that the midwives could be sure he would nurse before we left. Finally, after help latching each time someone checked on us, a bloody nipple, the use of a nipple shield, and a lot of effort and focus on my part, he ate for a reasonable period of time. I didn’t come to breastfeeding unprepared. I had read every article I came across on the topic. I also read cover to cover The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. I was completely sold on the importance of exclusively breastfeeding, to include no introduction of bottles and pacifiers or other artificial nipples of any kind. None whatsoever.
We took my newborn son home about 2 o’clock in the morning. My husband and I were anxious to get home. In hindsight, it might have been good to rest at the birth center a little longer or to have asked for help once we were home, but Mother and Baby were both doing well so we were allowed to leave. That first half night was a blur. My husband and I were both excited, exhausted, and completely taken with this little person God had given us charge over. Our son slept on my husband’s chest for the first several nights of his life. We never wanted to put him down. He was so precious and so cuddly.
I guess the next couple feedings went okay. I don’t remember thinking anything was wrong. When we woke up for the 6am feeding, he wouldn’t take to the breast again. We struggled. Finally at 10 am I called the midwives. I was told to express colostrum onto my finger and let him suck and just keep doing that for a while. Babies don’t eat much at all those first couple days. Their stomachs are very small, so their meals are small, but frequent. The key in the beginning is getting that nutrient-rich colostrum. My son suckled on my finger for a couple feedings and this effort sparked within him a new interest in nursing. He began to love to nurse, even though he wasn’t good at it, and I was thrilled and none the wiser that he was struggling to get anything.
Lip and Tongue Ties
I had never heard of these birth defects before the Lactation Consultant (LC) came out to our home when my son was 3 days old. My milk had come in and I felt like we could be doing better, so my husband and I agreed to use this resource. My left breast was engorged and I just wanted to be sure everything was going as it should.
The LC was wonderful, kind, and knowledgeable. She taught me a few tricks and taught me how to use my pump correctly. (I thought, “Like I would ever use that thing.” Boy, did I! Looking back, I was much more prideful about breastfeeding than I had a right to be. I was so determined that “this was how it’s going to be” that I didn’t make allowances for mistakes or things beyond my control. This made dealing with all the issues much more difficult for me emotionally. It hindered by willingness to accept and admit that there were any problems, which made it difficult to ask for help.) The LC said we were doing great. She briefly mentioned he might have a lip tie, but he and I seemed to be doing well as a breastfeeding couple, so she gave us an A+ and went on her way.
When he was 5 days old, I about had a meltdown. Ok ok, I had a meltdown. My mother had just left to go back home. As I finished a much needed shower, and exited the bathroom, my husband thrust our upset son into my arms for me to nurse him. He was screaming and crying! He was too upset to eat and it was clear this was exactly what he needed to do. All the books and articles and care providers said newborns needed to eat every two hours, but he didn’t keep to this at all. He was showing all the signs of hunger but wouldn’t nurse. He was frustrated, as was I because he wouldn’t nurse. To put it bluntly, we were a hot mess!
This hot mess called my cousin who had sent me a text the day before to say, “If you’re having any trouble breastfeeding, give me a call anytime. No matter what time it is.” At this point, I just needed to talk to someone I didn’t have to pay, so I gave her a call.
So there I was, sobbing, face and chest red-streaked, still naked from my shower, holding my screaming newborn. My hair was wet, unbrushed, and tangled, and she said, “Let’s FaceTime.” There’s something about the progression of pregnancy and then the final act of labor that eventually sucks away all your modesty until you just don’t care anymore. Take heart. It does come back….eventually.
To be honest, she didn’t tell me anything I hadn’t either read or been told previously. However her kindness, loving encouragement, and support were exactly what I needed to get through the night.
Let me take this opportunity to say how important having good support is when it comes to breastfeeding. Breastfeeding may seem like the simplest, most intuitive thing in the world, but complications can arise and when they do, it can be one of the most difficult things in the world. Fatigue, fluctuating hormones, and fear of being a good parent can make it difficult to ask for help. So even if your only support is a Facebook group, or a single friend or care provider, reach out to them. It can, and does, get easier – even with complications.
We went in for his one week appointment and he had lost weight. This is expected in all newborns, but typically their birth weight should be regained by two weeks of age. When we went in for his two week appointment, he had lost even more weight. This started the beginning of supplementing. Remember how I was very anti-artificial nipple? Well, I was (and still am) even more anti-baby-choking-coughing-and-aspirating-while-using-a-dropper. He just didn’t know how to take food from it and my husband and I sat there and wept struggling to feed him, while I pumped to keep him supplied with breast milk.
We went in for weight checks every few days. Eventually, we just borrowed a scale to take home. Each time the routine changed because he wasn’t gaining enough. My supply suffered and we went from 100% breast milk, to using a formula (yes, I was anti-formula too) called NeoSure, a Similac formula for premature babies. It has extra calories per ounce and helps babies put on weight faster. I have since learned that there is also the option of using donated milk. Look up an organization near you to learn more about this option.
My son regained his original birth weight by four weeks of age.
Lactation Consultant
We continued to work with the LC. She was a huge reason I continued to breastfeed as she was so very supportive and encouraging. She was constantly brainstorming on how to make breastfeeding easier and more efficient for us. One of the first things she taught us to help with our new supplementing routine was the paced-bottle technique. See technique here. It was also recommended that we use Dr. Brown’s bottles. They are special bottles that have a piece on the inside to help with the aeration and keep the baby from getting gassy.
We broke our rule on “no pacifiers” too. When you’re worried that your baby is crying away all the calories he needs to grow, you get over yourself and your rules pretty quickly.
My husband and I saw my son successfully gain weight on the formula we were given, but we desired for our son to go back to breastfeeding completely, if that was at all possible. We knew of all the benefits to breastfeeding, and we wanted our son to reap them. Our goal was that one day he would be exclusively breastfed.
SNS
We started to decrease his supplements. I can’t remember exactly what that looked like. Our routine seemed to change every week and so sometimes what transpired was a blur. I do remember when he was about 6 weeks old we tried to exclusively breastfeed again. He stopped gaining weight. So we quickly went back to formula again.
The LC carefully recommended I try to use SNS or Supplemental Nursing System. (I say carefully because she did not want me recommending to others. She said that babies have to have a good ability to suck and swallow correctly or they can aspirate so please consult an LC if you are interested in using SNS.)
If you aren’t familiar with SNS, it is a bottle hooked up to small tubes you tape to your breast near the nipple. It’s very contraption-y. The flow to your baby can be controlled by pulling the tubes through notches. For some, giving supplements through SNS can be a great way to transition a baby back to the breast. For others it can be a nightmare.
Conceptionally, SNS is easy to use. In practice it can be tricky. There is an element of trying to hide it from the baby. These young little tykes are smarter than you might think, even at only weeks old! We didn’t want him to see the bottle hanging from my neck, and thus, a visual cue for him to eat. I personally struggled with getting his supplement the right temperature if it had been in the fridge. Most of the time I didn’t time the preparation correctly to get it warm enough before a feeding was required. So obviously there was a noticeable temperature difference when using cold pumped breast milk as a supplement. When using formula, the challenge wasn’t the temperature but the noticeable taste difference.
One comic relief throughout this whole process, was the look on my son’s face when we gave him formula. It was almost like giving a lemon to a baby, but not perhaps, as intense. I used his noticeable preference for the taste of breast milk to fuel my determination to continue to breastfeed.
Let’s face it, up to this point, breastfeeding had been a challenge – and one I didn’t expect. Feedings took twice as long because not only would I nurse him, then give a bottle (Thank God for my wonderful husband), but then I would pump as well. I also realized that all the switching from side to side frustrated my son. All he wanted was to eat. Although, he preferred the breast, (something I was thankful for because many babies turn to preferring the bottle due to the ease of the flow) this did not fill his tummy, so I’d remove him from the breast and switch to the bottle. SNS did help to streamline the supplementing process.
Another challenge, which is comical to write about in hindsight, was that the tubes can easily be pulled to “open the gate” if you will. So a squirming baby, or a move to switch from one side to another, often resulted in a mess. Once the gate is opened, liquid is coming through it until it’s closed again.
I remember one night I tried to use SNS during a feeding and I was so tired. My son was not hungry – he was hANGRY, which was typical for his mid-night feeding. I couldn’t find the cord that allowed the bottle to hang from my neck. I had taken it off to clean. So I carefully propped the bottle on my chest. The struggle was I couldn’t move fast enough. I would get him latched, then try to release the tube, and since he wasn’t getting anything, he’d unlatch himself. Of course, he did this about the same time I released the tube, which caused milk to go everywhere. As you can imagine this became a crazy cycle – one that resulted in my son screaming in frustration, me in tears, and my husband bottle feeding him.
All things considered for my son and me, the SNS was helpful. The flow was there which kept my son interested since he still wasn’t capable of transferring milk effectively. At the same time, the suckling of my little one helped maintain my supply. He wasn’t frustrated and we were on the right path towards exclusively breastfeeding.
I stopped using SNS once my son realized this whole feeding thing would go a lot faster if he just sucked on the tube and he stopped trying to latch. After this, we were on the right track to more breastfeeding. We were down to half the formula we had started with and supplemented with 4 bottle feedings (8-12 oz) a day, each one after time at the breast, after which, I would pump.
Speech Pathologist
The plain and simple truth was my son wasn’t holding up his end of the deal. Successful breastfeeding takes two and he wasn’t extracting the milk he needed. He fell asleep on the breast after less than five minutes and never initiated a letdown. He lacked vigor and I had no clue how to teach him that.
The LC recommended a speech pathologist, which upon her suggestion I thought sounded absolutely absurd for an infant. Well, eventually I broke down and scheduled our appointment with the SP. We saw the improvement the exercises she gave us made in our son, I felt guilty for not calling her earlier. He had weak cheeks; a quivering, tired jaw; and a thin tongue. Who knew “weak cheeks” were a thing?! Although his tongue had good range of motion after releasing the tie, he wasn’t using it correctly.
The exercises she assigned us were easy, fast, and worth every penny we didn’t have. My son actually enjoyed the exercises and we saw a little improvement by the following week, which continued thereafter.
Increasing Milk Supply
My milk supply was suffering. My LC said she thought it had reached the glass ceiling. I have to admit I was devastated by her saying this. I wasn’t willing to believe all this hard work was for nothing. After some research, I decided I wanted to help my supply with domperidone, a prescription medication that has a side effect of increased lactation, although this is not its original purpose. Before I got the medication, I realized throughout all the changes in routine and special systems we had used, I had forgotten some of the very basic things that aid breastfeeding efforts.
I cannot emphasize the importance of doing your due diligence and researching on your own. Heeding the advice of others is a good practice, however, in those early weeks especially, my husband and I felt lost. Finally, we agreed, it was time to take back our parenting. What this meant for us was taking all advice with a grain of salt, figuring out what options we truly had, looking at our end goal, and weighing that against the progress and health of our son. We still listened to all the advice given to us, but each piece had its proper place and our own critical thinking was crucial to make it work for our family.
In my research, I read an article on increasing supply. See article here. This was what helped me remember the breastfeeding basics.
Two of these things were increased time at the breast and lots of skin to skin. So when my son was 10 weeks old, I took a nursing staycation and did just that. I relaxed and stopped stressing about my supply (stress is a worst enemy when it comes to increasing milk supply). I didn’t worry about if he was getting enough and just kept him on the breast as much as possible. If he needed a supplement to top him off, so be it.
Giving it to God
Throughout this process I began to pray much more specifically. I asked God to please bless our breastfeeding effort. I prayed for my son to get enough from the breast. I pleaded, “Lord, you said just as we desire to give our children good gifts, so you desire to give us good gifts. The best food I can offer my son is what you designed my body to give him. My husband and I have done all we know to do and have been advised to do. We thank you for the knowledgeable people you have surrounded us with. We thank you for the growth we have seen in our son. Thank you for our son. I ask you, Father to please let my son get enough at the breast. Please give me an over abundance so we can be certain he’s getting enough. Our desire is to exclusively breastfeed our son but we can’t do it without you. Please give him this good gift.”
I believe giving it up to God and going back to basics were the most helpful things we did. My son had a growth spurt/frequency feeding during this time of our nursing staycation and my body responded well to it. I was thrilled!
We kept reducing the frequency and volume of the supplements we were giving my son. One day, his dependency on them had decreased to the point where I was pumping enough that we were able to stop giving him formula.
By week 12, my son was getting 100% breast milk, with only a morning and an evening bottle. One day we realized he didn’t need them anymore. My son still took a bottle almost every morning for a couple more weeks. (I have never been a morning person. After getting up all through the night with our little boy, my ability to be more human than zombie hangs by a thread.) My loving husband, whom God blessed with morning humanness, got up with my son about 5 or 6 each morning to give him this feeding while Mommy took a nap. Somewhere between 3 and 4 1/2 months, his feedings timed just right to where he didn’t take a bottle at all.
My husband and I give God the glory for this success story. At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to “let go and let God”, which is what I should have been doing in the first place.
Since 3 months, my son exclusively breastfeeds – very well I might add. With a lot of prayer, a lot support, perseverance, and some more prayer, it can be done!
“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
Like so many others, my husband and I felt the sting of trying and seemingly failing to conceive a child.
About three years into our marriage, we decided we were ready to start a family. Naturally, we believed pure willpower and the act of not preventing was enough to accomplish this. So that very month, when it didn’t happen, we were terribly disappointed.
I took it much harder than my husband did. Let me rephrase. I took it on as my own personal failure. Month after month reared its ugly head, as my period proclaimed the message that I was not pregnant. I was certain I was barren. I began to believe, that somehow, rational or not, I was less of a woman for not “accomplishing the task” of pregnancy. When it seems like everyone around me was getting pregnant and having babies, I was left feeling incomplete.
People would tell us “Once you stop trying, you’ll get pregnant.” To this day, I still don’t know how to mentally or emotionally stop trying. God instilled an innate desire to bear children within a woman. Needless to say, I was not good at following this advice. Being pregnant was all I wanted. It was all I could think about.
God’s Will and Timing are Perfect
Somehow the adage rang true for us. After three years of trying, my husband and I figured it probably wasn’t going to happen. Maybe a child wasn’t a part of God’s plan for us. We decided to buy a couch set. I was pregnant within the month. I’m a firm believer that God’s will and His timing are absolutely perfect. I know we were blessed in the fact that we were able to conceive naturally. Many other couples struggle for years more than we did. They go through costly treatments and procedures trying to conceive and the disappointment is all the more heart crushing after each failed attempt.
The timing of my pregnancy was definitely God’s timing. A month previous, our marriage was bending and on the verge of breaking. I had resentment towards my husband for many things, and I had to daily take it to my Abba Father in prayer. When I prayed, I said, “God, my husband is enough…for the rest of my life, he is enough.” You see, our family was started when we were married in 2010. We were a complete family then and will still be once we are empty-nesters (a looooong time from now). God had made us one and complete in Him. Even without children, my husband was enough. To take it further, even without my husband, God was enough, but He had blessed me with “the husband of my youth” and I had been taking him for granted.
Take Nothing For Granted
What I have realized looking back and talking with others – especially those who seem to be able to plan each child to their exact specifications – is that I seemed to appreciate my pregnancy journey so much more than I would have, had we conceived earlier in our marriage. Instead of it being something we had just expected would happen when we were ready, it became a gift that we had prayed earnestly for. God had granted our request and blessed us with a child. My pregnancy will forever be a time in our lives that we cherish.
Cherishing My Life
I honestly have never felt more beautiful than when I was pregnant. I felt like a woman. All the months of feeling barren had left me wanting, and with an overwhelming sense of inadequacy, which was a lie straight from the enemy. Now my body was being purposed in the ultimate way – to nurture a little life. God’s design is amazing. The intricacies of a baby’s development will leave one in awe. (In fact, in this modern age, science is “proving” what the Bible has told us all a long: Life begins at conception!) So despite the morning sickness; the aches and pains as my body changed and stretched; the hormonal, seemingly out-of-body experiences (seriously, there’s nothing like those hormones); and the difficult task of natural labor; I truly enjoyed pregnancy. (I highly recommend the keeping of a pregnancy journal. It is so neat to look back over after your baby is born or even later in your pregnancy. You’ll be surprised what you forget!)
As for my husband, he was thrilled. Our marriage, which was on the mend previous to my becoming pregnant, really blossomed as we shared the experience of preparing for our child, listening to his heartbeat, and seeing and feeling him move. I cherished my husband. During labor I appreciated the support and coaching from my husband rather than cursing him for his contribution. (There was no yelling, “YOU did this to me!” in the delivery room. Haha!) I thanked God for this wonderful gift of life growing inside me. It was a beautiful journey that was the segue into the wonderful (and scary!) current adventure that is motherhood.
To any readers who may be feeling the struggle of trying to conceive, take heart. My best advise is to lift your struggle up in prayer. As a married woman, you are a complete family with your husband. Cherish and love one another. Trust God and His will.
Continue in the habit of prayer no matter what your situation.
Once you do become pregnant, your need for God’s wisdom and grace will increase exponentially, and then again once your child is born, grows, and needs your guidance.
Remember, it is God that opens the womb.See 1 Samuel, Chapter 1 for the story of Hannah, who longed and prayed for her child, Samuel.
“It came about in due time, after Hannah had conceived, that she gave birth to a son; and she named him Samuel, saying, “Because I have asked him of the Lord.” 1 Samuel 1:20 NASB
This endearing term refers to my son. The name was coined by my husband (aka Lil Dino Daddy) a few weeks before he was born.
One day, while he and I were shopping for baby clothes at our local resale shop, my husband would only consider items that had dinosaurs on them. After my son arrived in early November, 2016, we finally gave those cute little clothes a purpose. Remembering our shopping adventure, I stealthily selected one of the outfits my husband had picked out – one featuring dinosaurs. I then dressed my tiny baby boy and took him into the other room to show his Daddy. Once my husband saw him in his “stegosaurus” outfit, his eyes grew wide in excitement as he exclaimed, “Aww, come here my little dinosaur!” The name stuck, along with many other endearing pet names we have come up with as time passes.
Our Journey
My husband and I were married nearly six years when I discovered I was pregnant. Those nine months of pregnancy were so very special to me. I loved being pregnant, despite some of the side effects and less than enjoyable symptoms. I enjoyed watching my belly grow and feeling my son move around as he developed and grew strong. I nested from day one. My first baby project was throwing a gender reveal party. We wanted to share our important news with those closest to us, who had prayed with us and supported us. After that, building the gift registry was especially enjoyable. I researched everything and read dozens upon dozens of reviews before adding them to my list. Browsing through all those cute little baby things only added to the imaginings of my child as I thought of him smiling, playing, and growing. Then the baby shower day arrived! Mothers of all ages shared their tales of pregnancy and parenthood as we shared a meal, played games, and laughed together.
The Learning Curve
Then there was the learning curve. I especially loved the learning part that is involved with a first pregnancy. There is so much to know! The research I did and the knowledge I obtained before delivering my son, (along with the support of my husband and the midwives), was definitely the most positive contributor to the birthing experience.
Now that my baby is here, the learning continues. Oh boy, does the learning continue, whether you enjoy it or not! Learning everything one needs to know to be a hopefully good…ok, Lord, at least decent… parent is all the more challenging while struggling to function through sleep deprivation. This lack of energy in those early months…ok, ok, the first year…has made the time to research and read is as fleeting as those z’s I longed to catch. I realized just how little I invested in the learning that would have been most helpful to me… What I really needed to know was what to expect AFTER my son was born.
This is record of our journey from a mother’s perspective. (Although, I plan to ask Lil Dino Daddy for his perspective too. Where would we be without our Daddies?) I’ll share with you as much as I can from the first moments when we learned we were going to be parents, to the challenges of breastfeeding, tricks for encouraging tummy time, and guiding our son as he learns to walk and talk, and obey. This is our story of “baby makes three” and maybe beyond one day.
My desire is that readers will find this an insightful resource, with stories that both entertain and encourage. My goal as I recount this adventure, is to build this site to be a helpful to mommies-to-be (and daddies too!) as well as new parents. We’ll talk about marriage too, as this is the building block to a healthy, thriving, functional family.
I hope that as readers have questions, you will feel free to pose them, and find many of your answers here.
So, let the journey begin….
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a futureand a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
Do you have a nickname or an endearing term for your baby or child? Share in the comments below.
