Guest Post by IV, V and Me
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“It Takes a Village”

We have all heard it… shoot, I think I even said it last week, but is ‘it takes a village’ just a phrase or is it really truth? Honestly, this phrase never even crossed my mind until my son was born and all the villagers came out of hiding with the good, the bad and the ugly advice; but this didn’t really bother me until I got some parenting experience under my belt. My son is 9 months old so obviously I am now an expert… even so; I was now ready to bestow my “parenting wisdom” on other moms. As soon as another mom mentioned any struggle she was having with her kids, I wanted to jump in to save the day with my expert advice on the matter… queue the other mom holding back on rolling her eyes as I ask the question all moms know too well “have you tried this?” like she hadn’t googled every possible solution to the problem she was dealing with. Was I really going to be that villager, the one with the pitchfork of advice at the ready any time I talked to another mom? Is a village necessary to survive parenthood? If so, what is truly needed?

Getting to the truth

I decided it was time to actually get other mommy perspectives on the subject of  ‘it takes a village’.  So, I gave a shout out to the Facebook world with 4 questions, two for and two against parenting advice to see if the “village” was more helpful or harmful.

Once you become a mom, something that is needed is thick skin, so that when you do end up receiving unwarranted advice, you can take it with a grain of salt. My friend Jamey W. said it best “I have heard/felt things that while harsh at the time, as I reflected (and minimized my pride) realized they were probably right or at least something there that should be considered.” This is a mom with a teenager and a college student; her answer is why I need to have mentors in my village to explain, “Pride causes us to miss a lot of truth.” Yes, getting offended is a cultural phenomenon, but instead of pouting, I can take what has been said and use it to grow and become a better, more developed person. I learned pride gets in the way of even allowing myself to be surrounded by a village. One obvious way I realized I needed growth in was learning that my son could benefit from being around others.

At first, I was very hesitant to allow other people be around my son, I mean, I made him… I can be selfish, right? But once I got past that, I found how beneficial it was to have others interact with my child. They would play with him in ways that never would have crossed my mind, and truly showed me new ways to love my son.  “It is incredibly valuable to be in community with other people who pour into and love your child– they speak into their lives in a multitude of ways, and it’s powerful and humbling and so much better than doing it on your own. Other people can speak into their gifts, challenges, and behavior in a way that you can’t, and they see the things you have blind spots to.” –Annie M. This is why it is so important to have peers be in my village. Your peers can help you to be more creative with teaching and during play time as Jenna S. saw this as “a refreshing reminder to not let your child play her way right through her days without me, I just don’t want to miss It.” This has also opened my eyes to the fact that controlling every aspect of my life is just not attainable; I need help and support.

            Being a very controlling person, I really wanted to do everything on my own and then… well, exhaustion set in. The other night I broke down (my son has started waking up at 2:00am hyper and not going back to sleep until 3:30am), my husband offered to pray with me as I was rocking our son to sleep and I said, “no, I just want to get Ru to sleep.” It took me about 5 minutes to realize what I needed was my husband to pray over me and once I gave up that control, it was like a gospel choir came rising up singing “Hallelujah”! A wise friend stated,Praying that the Lord would guide you in each situation and lead you on how to love, affirm, teach, correct, and discipline in a way that is honoring to him. Praying isn’t hard to do, but always feeling prepared and equipped can be hard when it comes to parenting.” This makes me realize that protectors are needed in my village. God allows us to lean on him and others just as a friend who is a fellow new mom has grown to “learn now more than ever to trust in God’s plan and have faith that no matter what, He knows what is best and He is leading our lives.” After recognizing all that was needed for my village to be a great support system, there was something gnawing at the back of mind, something that was missing.

             Out of all the moms I had asked these questions to, one specifically made me realize something most moms are afraid to say “I am one amazing woman and mom.” –Jen H. She is a single mom who has had to learn how to be strong for her and her kids. “But our God is good. And he put me through some tough times that led me to now. And who am I now? A fully functional adult who can clean and not lose her cool; I make doctors appointments and make sure the kids get their fruits and veggies.” This is when I realized confidence is needed in myself for the village. I am my toughest critique when it comes to my skills as a mother but why can’t I admit that some days I am doing a great job or some things I do rock at as a mother. I feel confidence could be such a great tool for us to spur on to be even better, to never stop trying to achieve the goal of loving our children fiercely.

The Do’s and Don’ts

Here are some of the BEST advice moms have benefited from hearing:

“You’re going to make mistakes, they grow up despite us, and they grow up fast so enjoy every moment.” –Jennie H.

“It is the ride of your life! Have fun! Find what works for you and do that.” –SueEllen H.

“Sleep when the baby sleeps” –Candace T., Chrissy S.

“Never let the kids leave the house without saying you love them.  And always say encouraging words to your children.” –Ann M.

“Each difficult stage is temporary and you will miss It.” –Calli K.

“Do what you feel is best for you and your child and not to worry about what others think.” –Amanda B.

  Things to keep in mind NOT to do:

“Saying things like ‘they are going to see it eventually.’  It doesn’t mean they need to see it now!” –Candace T.

“My sister-in-law never had kids and she always told me how to raise them, she would punish them in front of me when they would do something that was no big deal to me.” –Ann M.

“I felt pressured by others to use formula, feed her puréed and solid food, to sleep train when I wasn’t quite ready yet.” –Calli K.

“I have had a lot of people tell me that my daughter is big for her age and maybe I should watch what I feed her.” –Amanda B.

“As I was struggling to get my firstborn to latch I decided to pump and bottle feed her until our latch was successful. My MIL told me bottle-feeding wouldn’t create as strong of a bond as breastfeeding would. My bond with both my children is unbreakable and bottle shaming is as ridiculous and insensitive as breast shaming. Fed is best!” –Anonymous

“People trying to fix problems I’ve been working on forever like my child’s diet or showing distaste for the freedoms I allow.” –Jenna S.

So, is ‘it takes a village’ just a phrase or is it truth?

The truth is, it takes the right village… so choose wisely.

-IV, V and Me


We want to hear from you!

Tell us about the advice you have received, including the good, the bad, and the ugly!

What advice would you want to give new or expecting parents?

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Deciding on the Birth Center as a Venue

Whenever I thought about childbirth, I never really wanted to have a baby in the hospital. To me, a hospital was a place people go when they are sick, bleeding, or dying. I didn’t think of it as a great place to bring a baby into the world. Obviously, many babies are born in a hospital and arrive home healthy and happy. It just wasn’t something I was particularly interested in.

For some people, a hospital birth is the only way that comes to mind, so upon mentioning giving birth at a birth center or at home, with midwives, rather than doctors, one witnesses an interesting variety of responses. Some of them are comical, and most all of them are sincere and out of a place of concern.

The only reason I realized there was a way besides a hospital was because my own Mother had my younger brother at home. To this day, he can point to a spot in the house and say, “I was born right there.”

A few years before I became pregnant with my son, my husband and I were discussing our desire and supposed readiness to have a baby, and I mentioned in passing that I didn’t want to have a baby in a hospital. The idea was so foreign and absurd to him that he dismissed it immediately. I wasn’t really wanting to go the home-birth route, simply because I didn’t know what to expect when it came to childbirth. Considering it wasn’t a bridge we needed to cross right then, I dropped it, but I did some research in our area to find out if there was a place specifically designed for the sole purpose of bringing babies into this world. And there was. So I kept that in the back of my mind and continued on with life.

When I became pregnant, I went to my regular OB/GYN and in those early weeks fully intended on going through with a hospital birth. Over the course of a few weeks, it became clear to both myself and my husband that this place and this doctor were not truly what we wanted, so we began to search for an alternative.

I recalled my Mother’s home-birth experience in my childhood home and that she had a midwife, so I began my search for a midwife. I made appointments with several. Many attended home births, some attended hospital births, and some attended birth center births. After meeting and speaking with several very knowledgeable women, my husband and I felt most comfortable with a particular group of midwives at a birth center in our area.

I remember being awestruck as I left the birth center as I mulled over all the wonderful information that was provided to my husband and me in that single initial visit. We knew more about what to expect in that one interview than we had learned in two months worth of appointments with my doctor.

Let me pause here to say that I didn’t have a horrible or ignorant doctor. She always asked me if I had any questions but I never did. It was a situation in which I didn’t know enough to ask questions. When I was speaking to the midwives, they were constantly providing information, which sparked questions. I think of midwifery as a specialization in the world of pregnancy and childbirth. That’s what midwives do. Their certification and skill set is very specific to those months of pregnancy and the six weeks postpartum care for both mother and baby. It was also clear that this was their passion and that was such a comforting relief for both my husband and me.

Deciding Pain Medication-Free was the Way for Me (and my Baby)

Upon choosing the birth center, I was making the choice to have a medication-free birth. Specifically a pain medication-free birth. I was all right with this as I had already been trying to decide whether or not I should have an epidural in the hospital.

If you are trying to make this decision and asking other mothers, you will get an assortment of responses. Some people upon hearing that you are choosing not to have an epidural will immediately tell you what a terrible idea that is. While I disagree, I encourage you to do research about the effects of an epidural on both the mother and baby.

It was because of my own researching on the subject that I was already leaning towards not having an epidural, so when the option was taken away because the birth center did not offer epidurals, it solidified what I had learned and wanted.

A few reasons I didn’t want to have an epidural or Pitocin during my labor:

  • I didn’t want my baby to be affected by any medications.
  • I wanted the best start possible for him in regards to breastfeeding. Epidurals do pass through the placenta and affect the baby. Studies show that babies affected by epidurals are more sluggish in getting to the breast compared with babies not affected by epidurals.
  • I didn’t want my contractions to be artificially augmented – I wanted to work with my body they way it was designed.
  • I wanted to be able to get up and move during my labor.
  • And I wanted to be able to effectively push when the time came to push.

Childbirth Classes

One of the (many) wonderful recommendations the birth center provided was to take a childbirth class called, “The Bradley Method”. This method emphasized husband-coached childbirth which was a foreign concept to me in what I believed to a “women’s world” but at the same time, I was thrilled with the idea of my husband being my main support throughout my labor – he was after all, my main support throughout every other aspect of my life. Why not childbirth?

I highly recommend this particular series of birthing classes as they are highly informative and you will go into childbirth (even a first childbirth) feeling knowledgeable and confident. Pregnancy and labor is scary enough without the added challenge of being uninformed. Perhaps think of it this way: Would you go take a college final exam without studying? Maybe, but you would have done better if you had studied, right?

To quote from The Bradley Method website, “Natural childbirth is an important goal since most people want to give their babies every possible advantage. Without the side effects of drugs given during labor and birth. The Bradley Method® classes teach families how to have natural births. The techniques are simple and effective. They are based on information about how the human body works during labor. Couples are taught how they can work with their bodies to reduce pain and make their labors more efficient. Of over 1,000,000 couples trained in The Bradley Method® nationwide, over 86% of them have had spontaneous, unmedicated vaginal births. This is a method that works! ”

The other thing I absolutely loved and appreciated about these classes is that my husband liked them. He is a person who craves information and is very research-oriented and results-driven, which made this method perfect for him. I was excited that he was to have an active role, rather than only be a spectator on the sidelines. He was prepared for his role, just as I was prepared for mine, and I had the utmost confidence in his ability to encourage, support, and coach me through the birth of our son.

Is Natural Childbirth Painful?

The point of this post is to tell the story of my childbirth experience and I will. However, before I continue, I want to ask and answer a very fundamental question: Is Natural Childbirth Painful? The short answer is, yes. But it is so much more than that.

The experience of childbirth is like nothing I have ever experienced before. For those who have never experienced it, there’s much that simply can’t be explained properly or related to until they experience it for themselves.

All women expect to experience pain during childbirth, and I do have that to share in my story. However, probably few women remember to also expect excitement, laughter, smiles, precious bonding moments with your spouse, and yes, moments without pain. An article I really appreciated reading talked about having a positive attitude regarding childbirth and expecting a positive outcome. It reminds women to not focus so much on the painful aspects of childbirth, and recall the moments when the labor was actually pain free.

The article I shared also mentions a “straightforward labour with a well positioned baby…you don’t feel pain at all”. I did not have a straight forward labor or a well-positioned baby, but I can still speak to the positive experience of the natural childbirth that was mine, and if given the choice to do it over again, I would still have a pain med-free and natural childbirth.

My Story

This is the story of the birth of my son. It is very detailed. It is very personal. It is very special. This is my first childbirth experience.

Early Stage – Labor Begins

Labor for me began with my water breaking at 7:11 pm on October 31st, 2016. I was shocked because I had learned that only 15% of labors begin with the water breaking.

Interestingly enough, it wasn’t a gush, but a trickle. I remember my husband and I had just finished dinner, and I stood up from my seat and immediately peed…or at least I thought I had. (At 39 1/2 weeks pregnant, wetting myself was not necessarily something new.) I rushed to the bathroom and realized I had bloody show.  I also couldn’t stop the trickling that had begun minutes earlier. I hurriedly and excitedly sent a text to my midwife, saying, “I think my water just broke?” She asked me a series of questions and upon reviewing my responses, told me to wear a pad for 20 minutes and let her know if it was soaked in that time. It was. She then instructed me to come in to the birth center where she examined me and quickly ascertained my water had indeed broken.

I was ecstatic! My baby was going to be here sometime tomorrow! My baby was NOT going to be born on Halloween. (Something I really did not want and had literally prayed against.) The time was here! Oh my goodness! I’m going to have my baby!

It may not be common knowledge for those not in the medical field, but when the waters break, infections are more probable as a layer of protection has been broken. Due to the fact I was planning to deliver at a birth center and with midwives, my water breaking started a 24-hour clock in which I needed to have my baby, if I was to stay at the birth center. Beyond this time frame, it would be required that I be transferred to the hospital. Although my water had broken, I wasn’t yet experiencing contractions so we needed to get busy.

I was sent home and told to rest for the next 6 hours. At this time, it was about 8:30 pm. After resting, I was to begin using the breast pump as a form of stimulation which was to help induce contractions.

When we got in the car, I told my husband to drive to his mother’s home. She lived a short 10 minutes away from the birth center and I wanted to see the look on her face when we told her she was going to be a Grandma tomorrow! He agreed, and on the way I called my own Mother to let her know as well, and then my sister. When we were in my mother in law’s neighborhood I called her. It was well after 9:00 pm and odd that we would call her so late. She answered the phone expectantly, and I said, “Hey, can you open the door for us?”

“Yes!” She exclaimed. She hurried to throw open the door with wide eyes and a smile.

“Seems like we’re going to have a baby tomorrow,” I said. Then proceeded to tell her the events of the evening thus far.

When I got home, I tried my best to sleep, but naturally I was excited.  As I lay there in my bed, resting, but awake, I couldn’t help but think how in a few hours I was going to meet my son.

Just after midnight on November 1st, 2016, I felt a contraction. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that it was painful or particularly powerful, but it was slightly uncomfortable. I got up and went to take a shower. Then dressed in the last outfit I would have a “baby bump” in, remembering to take a picture to complete my series of pictures commemorating this pregnancy.

I then went into the living room to use the pump. It didn’t work. Dang it! I woke my husband up and he couldn’t get it to work either. Wouldn’t you know, we got it working after we brought the baby home – it turns out it was something quite simple, but as for use during labor, it was a lost cause. So, I set about following instructions by manually stimulating to induce contractions at certain intervals and rested on the couch in between.

About 6:30 am, my contractions were becoming much more consistent. I would describe contractions almost like menstrual cramps as far as where you feel them and perhaps somewhat in how they feel as well. They were certainly not unbearable and I used the relaxation techniques and laboring positions I had learned and practiced to work through them. At this stage, I could talk easily, and I walked, and got myself food and water. During this time, I ate small meals and drank water constantly.

It was around this time my husband got up for the day. We both knew I would need him to be rested, so while I was on the couch, he was doing his best to sleep in our bed. That was the best thing he could have done for both our sakes.

To track contractions, I had an app on my phone that my husband and I used. It had been recommended that we not watch the clock. I definitely want to pass on this recommendation as it allowed me to focus inward on what my body was doing, but not how long it was taking to do it. The app kept us in the know without watching time pass. An added benefit was that I could simply “share” my progress with my midwife by pressing a few buttons, rather than typing it all out. As the contractions became more consistent and closer together this feature was all the more appreciated.

In this early stage of labor, I was primarily on my sofa, sitting or lying down due to the time of day. My goal at this time was to rest as much as possible. Between contractions, it was business as usual. There wasn’t any pain or discomfort to speak of, except perhaps, the annoyance of constantly needing to pee, but that wasn’t anything the last 9 months of pregnancy hadn’t prepared me for.

Active Labor

When the contractions started to become more intense, I found myself kneeling on the floor leaning over the couch and eventually the exercise ball. The rocking helped relieve discomfort and I was use to this hands and knees position because I had practiced it often during the latter part of my pregnancy, so it was easy for me to relax this way.

Right before we left to go to the birth center, I preferred sitting in the swivel chair from the office. I was able to brace against the arms on the chair and it was cushioned but supportive, and I didn’t have to focus on balancing myself as I did on the ball.

During this time, I quickly realized that I absolutely hated when I had to use the restroom. As I was supposed to, I was drinking lots of fluids and urinating very frequently. I noticed that my contractions were much stronger when I was sitting on the toilet. Sitting there was so intense for me, that I thought I was skipping contractions, but that wasn’t the case. In fact, it was the contractions themselves that were more intense while I was sitting there.

My husband did an excellent job keeping me fed and hydrated, and encouraging me to relax. About 9:30 am, I threw up. I had been eating small meals to keep up my strength. Though I didn’t really have an appetite, I knew I needed to stay fueled for the rest of this adventure. I’m sure it was a combination of hormones and reaction to the discomfort from the contractions. By this time, my husband had taken over communicating with my midwife as I needed to focus and the contractions were close enough together that I didn’t want to bother looking at the phone. When he told her I had thrown up, she replied, “Excellent!” Though I didn’t think it was so excellent at the time, it wasn’t much longer before we prepped to go to the birth center.

Within the hour, and with my midwife’s blessing, my husband and I left for the birth center. We were there by 11:30 am. I was so eager to get to the birth center. I had kept myself in check up to this point, knowing that if I went too early, they would send me home. I really didn’t want to get into the car again and ride the 45 minutes back home and then make the trip AGAIN!

At this time, my contractions were about three and a half minutes apart and were lasting for nearly three minutes so needless to say, I wasn’t getting much of a break upon arriving at the birth center. When I got out of the car and headed inside, I was in my socks, my shoes left behind in the floorboard of the car. Let’s do this thing!

The thing I love about the birth center is there’s no waiting period. There’s no “check in” process. There’s no, “Here, fill out this paperwork.” All that was taken care of months previous upon agreeing to use the birth center and there wasn’t a single member on staff who didn’t know my name, my husband, and the name we chose for our baby. Since I had already been in communication with my primary midwife (via text – how awesome is that!), the room was all ready for me.

Upon entering the room, I made a B-line for the bed and laid down. I was so tired from the car ride and so relieved to finally be in the final stages and have the midwives for support. My midwife came in and did an exam. I was fully effaced and 7 cm dilated. I had done it! I had labored at home as I should have and was well on my way to having this baby! In fact, much of my active labor was already complete.

I was given an IV for hydration and to help protect against infection since my water had broken over 12 hours previous.

I remember being extremely happy during this time. It was sort of like we had just entered a hotel room on vacation. We set our stuff down and my husband and I got into the bed together. I smiled and laughed as we carried on conversation. We were so excited and practically giddy. My mother in law arrived and joined us in the room. Then my sister did the same. My Mother called to FaceTime while she was at work. She so longed to be there, and this was as close as she could get until she came for her visit the following day.

Because I had labored so much at home (which was a good thing), it wasn’t long before the real work began. The smiles faded and the phones were put away, as I needed to focus, but the joy I felt in my heart increased all the more.

Posterior Baby – Not the Ideal Position

It is important to explain that several weeks before, my baby had turned to the posterior position, rather than the ideal anterior position. I had been doing acrobatics to get him to turn, but he just wouldn’t. I had done proper tailor-sitting, I had done pelvic rocking, hands and knees time on the ball, I had done everything “Bradley” AND “spinning babies”, including chest and knees (which is difficult – it’s correct to say my head was in the way!), and he simply didn’t turn. At this point in my labor, this was still the case. This is what made my labor more difficult than a “straightforward” labor and contributed to the lengthening of what “should have”, or should I say, usually would have taken just a few more hours. And we still had to consider that 24-hour clock my body was racing against in which I may have been forced into going to the hospital.

Losing Time “in the zone”

Despite the fact that I was experiencing a long labor, I truly didn’t realize it. I have to admit, I lost time up until my baby was born. I even lost some sequence of events that my husband and I still talk about to this day, trying to fill in the gaps. I didn’t black out or anything. I was just “in the zone”. I was focused on the task before me and oblivious to the time.

I know that after the exam, my contractions got all the more powerful. One of the midwives came in to check on me and saw me lying down and in pain. She said, “How long have you been there? Time to get up!” This helped. I think I had taken the advice “let your labor happen to you” a little too literally, and had forgotten all the wonderful information I had learned to help me get through my labor more efficiently and comfortably. I paced and went to the restroom to pee often – hating the toilet still. I remember distinctly telling my midwife, “I hate sitting on the toilet. It hurts so bad!” She reminded me that the contractions were more powerful because those muscles were used to relaxing on the toilet. I heard her, but I left the toilet as quickly as I was finished.

My labor continued. I took a bath, which was short-lived as it was clear I needed to stand to better deal with my contractions. Some positions you are just drawn to. It’s different for every woman and every pregnancy. That’s why it’s so important to know your options and practice them. I leaned heavily upon my husband during these contractions. I rocked on my hands and knees too,when the contraction intensity brought me, quite literally, to my knees. My dear mother in law and my sister were both there to support me. My own Mother was stuck in her home State until the following day.

My Frenemy: The Toilet

I wasn’t progressing as quickly as expected, so my dear midwife looked at me with pity in her eyes and said, “Darling, you’re going to hate me. But I need you to go labor on the toilet. NOOOOOOO!!!!! I thought, but instead of screaming what I was thinking, I said, with tears in my eyes. “Ok.” and added, “I don’t hate you.”

Laboring on the toilet for me was an extremely intense experience. I had already spent some time there just answering nature’s call, but to sit there deliberately was difficult for me. I didn’t know how to relax through these kinds of contractions. When my husband shut the door behind him, I broke down in tears. This was, and has been for years, my coping mechanism and method of stress release. I didn’t want the others to know how difficult this was at this time. So many people thought I was crazy for not being in a hospital right now and taking the epidural. Ok, not crazy, but they certainly believed this was unnecessary. I don’t know how long I labored there but I do remember my sweet mother in law spoon feeding me a Greek yogurt as I sat there.

Time to Push – Actually, No. Don’t Push.

Eventually, I went back to the bed, where I was checked again and told I was ready to push. I was so glad to hear this. Up to this point, I was feeling like this baby was never going to come out and I would just be left in perpetual toilet laboring forever. With the next contraction, I pushed.

Then I was told. “We need you to stop pushing.” What?! No! Why?  I was tired, I was probably a little delirious, I couldn’t truly communicate verbally anymore, but through the haze I worked to understand what the midwives were telling me, and cooperate. “You aren’t ready yet.” But you just said… “When you push, you go from 9 cm dilated to 5 cm.” Oh, that’s not good. “Because the baby is still posterior, there’s a lip in your cervix. This is going to take longer than we thought. Do you want to transfer?”

I have to mention here that a lot of time had passed. Hours. The midwives were not so quickly suggesting that I could consider transferring, but to me, it felt like it, because I didn’t think much time had passed at all since I had arrived at the birth center.

Not fully understanding the why behind the question of transferring, I thought, Oh no something is terribly wrong! I looked at my husband for an answer, who said nothing. Oh, I have to decide this myself. The first thing I decided was that there were too many people in the room, so I asked my husband, “Honey, can it just be you in here with me?” He gently but immediately asked my mother in law and sister to please wait outside. Ok, now I can deal with this without people worrying about me. Somehow I knew this was about to get a whole lot harder before it was over.

I don’t know how but I found my voice again, “Is the baby ok?”

“Yes, the baby is doing great! He’s very strong.” Relief! Oh, that’s so good! It must be me.

“Am I ok?”

“Yes, you’re doing fine. We’re just concerned about your level of exhaustion.” Oh, is that it?  I mean, I am tired, but I’m not finished having this baby yet, so I still have work to do. Besides that, I can’t even imagine having to deal with these contractions in a vehicle!

“If the baby is ok, and I’m ok, I’d like to stay.” So two of the midwives went out to deliberate on the best course of action, and a third stayed with me.

Pain, yes. Unmanageable, no.

I want to pause here to say that despite all the intensity I have mentioned in this recounting of my labor, at the time, it was just something that had to happen. I didn’t think anything was out of the ordinary. I didn’t curse. I didn’t scream at the people around me. My body simply took over and I used the relaxing techniques as best I could to work through it. So was labor painful? For me, yes. But it wasn’t unbearable. And the pain I felt was highly attributed to the position my baby was in.

Giving birth was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but there wasn’t ever a moment in which I thought, I’d rather be at a hospital or I really wish I had the option of pain killers. God designed the woman’s body exactly for this purpose and I reached out to him many times in prayer. There’s a perfect release of endorphins in the ebb and flow of the contractions. The decision my husband and I had made to have a natural and pain medication-free birthing experience was primarily for the sake of the child within me and my resolve was strong to make it through as planned, as long as it was my decision to make.

Turning the Baby

When they came back, they talked to me, and said that one of them was going to try to get the baby to turn. This is really going to hurt, isn’t it?

“Ok,” I said.

And it did, but again, it wasn’t intolerable. I did start to get more vocal during this chapter of my labor. My midwife reminded me to make low moaning noises and not anything too high. In my delirium, I struggled to do what she was asking. She moaned with me. At times my voice would climb its way back up the scale, and she would mimic again what I was to do. Then she said, “There’s a huge difference in your dilation when your voice goes high, you close up, when you moan low, you open up.” Oh, ok. Reasons why go a long way with me. Not that I was trying to be difficult, but understanding “the why” helped me to focus better on the task at hand. That’s one of the reasons The Bradley Method class was so great for my husband and me. It provided a lot of reasons why. So now I was able to visualize opening up when I made the low moaning sound.

Well, the midwife wasn’t able to get my son to turn, but she did manage to push him back a little bit so that he wouldn’t be in the bones where he couldn’t turn as well. Then it was chest and knees time. Today thinking about me lying there with my butt up in the air and my face smashed into a pillow, dealing with contractions, and trying not to let my knees slide back out from under me so that I was as much at an angle as possible, kind of makes me laugh. I’m sure I was a sight, but I certainly didn’t care at the time.

Transition

After some time on my chest and knees, it was back to the…you guessed it! Yes! It was back to my frenemy, the toilet! Except this time, it was with a twist…I was to sit on it reverse. I actually liked this better. Not because it was less intense, but because there were handrails I could grip and they also set a pillow on the back of the toilet, so I could rest my head. Relaxing is crucial during labor. Can you believe I actually managed to sleep those 15-30 seconds when I wasn’t contracting? Even in this most difficult stage of transition, there was relief. Both when I was on my chest and knees, and when I was sitting reverse on the toilet, I was catching Z’s. When I felt a contraction coming on, I would start to moan low to let everyone else know what was going on. I had it figured out at this point. The low moan helped me relax and deal with the contractions better.

Fighting the Urge to Push

Remember how during this time, I was told not to push? Well, both while I was on my chest and knees, and especially when I was on the toilet, I simply couldn’t fight my body. I remember thinking my eyes must have looked like a deer in the headlights as I let the midwife know, “I can’t help it!” This was the only time I was scared that I was doing something that was going to hurt my baby. I so desired to be compliant, but my body wasn’t on board with my plan. The midwife said, “It’s ok. Don’t fight your body…but don’t do anything extra either. Her reassurance was invaluable.

Not pushing when your body wants you to, is like nothing I could ever truly describe in words.  You can’t control it. It’s happening to you. To fight against it caused more agony than anything else I’ve ever experienced. I was relieved to hear that I didn’t have to try to hold back the involuntary pushing that was happening naturally, and this helped me continue to focus on relaxing best I could through the contractions.

Crowning – A Welcome Change

I don’t know how long I labored backwards on the toilet, but I remember the moment when I felt that new and welcome sensation. Burning! I thought. I remember what this is! I’m crowning. Instead of announcing that I thought the baby was crowning, I said, “I feel burning.” And with that my midwife left the room. I remember my husband and me looking at each other, as we were by ourselves for the first time in hours. We were both a little scared, and very tired, and since things were no longer going as expected and we didn’t know what came next, we were unsettled even though we weren’t alone more than a minute or two. He was with me though and he prayed with me. I had prayed in my mind throughout my labor but to have my husband pray over me was especially comforting.

You may be wondering, where did the midwife go? Don’t worry, she didn’t abandon us. When you have a baby, there has to be a care provider for both you and your baby, so my midwife had gone to get one of the others because we were getting close.

When they came back, I waddled over to the bed. A true waddle as I could feel my baby between my legs. Needless to say a very quick glance confirmed that I was, in fact, ready to push, as the baby was crowning. Finally! I was allowed to work with my body! With the next contraction I worked to figure out how to push effectively.

Learning How to Push

I had no idea how to push.  I remember being told not to push all the air out of my mouth, but to use that energy to push. Huh? It was difficult in my tired state to understand how to push and where, but eventually it all came together. My midwife put her hand down and said, “Push against my hand.” That helped. It took me a few contractions to understand and comply with what she was saying but then it became easier and more fruitful as my baby inched his way out. I was told later that from the time I was allowed to “voluntarily” push, to the moment my beautiful baby boy was in my arms was only 16 minutes.

Comic Relief

A few days after the birth of my son, my mother in law and sister recounted their own adventure after we “kicked them out” of the labor room. After they had been asked to leave the room, they waited in the hallway, hoping to come back in. When one of the midwives found them there, she kindly directed them to the waiting room just down the hall. Disappointed, they complied.

My sister was on the phone with my Mother, telling her as much as she knew whenever one of the midwives would come out to give them an update. She had mentioned to them that I may need to transfer.

Once I became vocal as I mentioned before, they stealthily made their way back down the hall to listen again. In an aside my sister informed my mother in law, “That’s all the birth control I need!” Then they heard someone coming to the door and they sprinted down the hall back to the waiting room, avoiding what they were sure was a close call, not wanting to get caught sneaking a listen at the door.

They also reported how one of the midwives came and excitedly exclaimed to them as I worked my way through transition, “We’ve got a baby coming out of a hoo-ha y’all!” That got a good laugh and a “Hooray!”. My Mother, who was on the phone with my sister, was desperately trying to convince her to break into the room and RECORD the birth!

My husband and I were completely oblivious to the craziness outside the walls of our comfy little laboring room, but boy did it set us to laughing in the days to come.

The Most Precious Moments

During these 16 minutes, two very precious events happened. I was getting very tired. I had been laboring near 24 hours and had slept very little. At one point I felt I wasn’t going to have the strength to push out this baby. I remember the third midwife coming in (they loved me and all wanted to be there to support me) and telling me I was doing great and that “This is a big baby, darlin’!” They told me they could see his head and she took my hand and said, “Feel that? That’s your baby.” I distinctly remember the sound of awe that came out of me and the sweet emotion that helped to erupt a new surge of energy. I want to meet my son! His heart rate was strong throughout the entire process and there was never a moment when the midwives were worried about him.

The Final Push – Hello Baby

The second precious event coincided with that final push. All of a sudden, the midwives said, “Now pull him onto your chest. Pull out your baby.” What? I was confused. I never dreamed I’d get to help in this way. So at 6:52 pm I reached down and helped pull my baby out of my body and onto my chest where he took his first breaths and started to make that sweet “welcome to the world” baby cry.

Meeting My Son – Worth it All

The midwives told me later that my son had turned in those last moments before crowning, which was truly amazing. However, my son was not large, as had been expected. He was a moderate 7 pounds, 1 ounce, and 20 inches long. He had added his left hand to the mix so he was a compound presentation. This shouldn’t have surprised me considering in every sonogram picture, his hands were either up by his head or in his mouth.

Our Little Family

My labor was not an easy one, as it was atypical, and I was told many other mamas would have opted to go to the hospital in my situation. I honestly couldn’t even imagine it. With my son on my chest, crying, I whispered softly to him in an effort to soothe him. He eventually found his hand and sucked on it for a little while, ending the crying. My husband cut the umbilical cord once it completed its pulsing, and I soon put my beautifully pink child to the breast for the first time.

The three of us were a little happy family who had come through this adventure…with many more adventures on the horizon.

 

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Short, Simple Routine

Whether you’re putting your child to sleep for the night or for one of the several naps he or she may take that day, having a short, simple routine is a great way to help your baby get to sleep faster and stay asleep longer.

When you do the same things before nap time or bedtime, they become habitual and will cue your baby that it is time to sleep.

List of Ideas

Here is a list of some ideas for you to consider using for your baby’s sleepy-time routine:

  • Give your baby a bath
  • Play with your baby
  • Go for a family walk
  • Sing songs with your baby
  • Listen to music
  • Last feeding for the night
  • Burp your baby
  • Change your baby’s diaper
  • Change baby into nighttime clothes
  • Dance with your baby
  • Read to your baby
  • Bounce with your baby (gently)
  • Sway with your baby
  • Rock the baby
  • Give your baby a massage
  • Use words or phrases to signal sleep
  • Nurse your baby
  • Pat the baby
  • Hug and kiss the baby goodnight

You certainly don’t have to do them all! Pick a few things you and your baby will enjoy doing together. Don’t forget to incorporate Daddy or another family member into the mix so you aren’t the only one who can get the baby to sleep.

Once you have selected the things that work well for you and your baby, write them down so you remember what you did and in what order. It’s a good idea to start with your most active and noisiest activity and bright light and work your way down and end with something calm and quiet in a dark room.

What does your routine look like?

This list is by no means exhaustive! Tell us what you do to get your baby to sleep.

 

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Watching My Baby Sleep

As I lay here watching my baby sleep during our new sleep training efforts, I have to chuckle to myself. I love these sweet moments with my son.

Pantley’s Gentle Removal Plan

One of the several techniques I am implementing with my 4 month old son is called “Pantley’s Gentle Removal Plan” from Elizabeth Pantley’s book, The No-Cry Sleep Solution.

Essentially this plan incorporates gently breaking the baby’s latch so that he or she can get accustomed to falling asleep without this association.

Pantley recommends starting with bedtime. I did this successfully the first night and then excitedly went to use it for nap time the following day.

My son makes me laugh because even at this young age, I believe his personality shines through. At night we primarily use a bassinet that side-cars next to my husband’s and my bed. During the day, my son’s naps are co-slept with me. I’m not sure why there needs to be such a stark contrast for him at this time, but I’m letting it fly so that he gets very good naps which are said to beget better nighttime sleeping.

For bedtime routine ideas, click here.

Today’s Nap Time

So I’m laying next to my baby and he’s doing that flutter suckling that nursing Mama’s know all too well. Ideally I would have broken the latch while he was still awake but drowsy, but I thought “any training is better than none”, so I proceeded to unlatch my son.

As expected, he rooted around, so I let him find me and suckle a bit. Once it became a flutter again, I silently counted to 10, and gently broke the latch again. Same thing.

The third time, I counted 1…,2…,…7… and when I got to 8, his suckle all of a sudden became more vigorous. I smiled and waited for the fluttering, then counted again.

The fourth time was much like the first two, but then on the fifth, once I counted to 10, my son broke the latch himself, and before I could think, “That’s good,” he fussed in protest and rooted. I laughed to myself realizing he had just detached himself in anticipation of what I was going to do and let me know exactly what he thought of that.

Unfortunately, that also ended the nap as he was then too agitated to go back to sleep. So I learned not to mess with him during nap time just yet. (That was just the first 24 hours of our sleep transitioning adventure. We’ll see how tonight goes.)

One Smart Baby!

When I told my husband what had happened, he laughed and praised our son for how smart he is. Shaking my head and knowing the truth of his words, I realize that some things are going to be all the more challenging because he’s smart!

Cherish Every Moment

Even though times are sometimes difficult, I cherish how small my son is and how very helpless. I  know he’ll never again be as little as he was today, and he’s twice the size he was when he was born. I have to admit, I love watching my son sleep. I love watching him during his feedings. I even love that I get to teach him how to sleep because right now he is so dependent on me and he doesn’t know a better way, even when this means will get less sleep. These moments are so very fleeting and I want to take a mental snapshot of them and remember them always.

Share your story:

What special moments have you had with your baby or child?
Tell us how smart he or she is!

“Indeed, You have made my days as handbreadths,
And my age is as nothing before You;
Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor. Selah”
Psalm 39:5

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The New Mama Workout

If you’re like me, you’re already wearing your sweatpants around the house and have your hair pulled into a messy bun anyway. So what’s a Mama to do when she’s all dressed up for the gym with no time to go?

New and seasoned mothers alike know how difficult it is to work exercise into your day to day activity.

Having a baby significantly changes our bodies and we need time to recover. But once your healthcare provider gives you the all clear, here are 10 exercises you can do with your baby.

(By the way, Dads, you can do these too!)

Baby’s Tummy-Time = Exercises on the Floor

1. Push-ups. When my son is playing on the floor, I’m putting in floor time too with 5 sets of 10 push-ups. (Yes, I do the girly ones.) Sometimes my son even stops to watch Mommy work.

2. Sit-ups or crunches. Another good exercise to do while baby is playing on the floor. You may even want to get real creative and hold your baby in the air while doing reverse crunches. This one has been especially hard for me postpartum. I started with just 10 sit-ups, twice a day and I could barely do them. It’s ok to start low and work your way up!

3. Pelvic Rocking. This is also a great exercise for pregnant women. To help strengthen your back, get on all fours. Keeping your shoulders still and knees planted, relax lower back, which allows pelvis to tilt forward, then level your back and tuck hips under. Do slowly and rhythmically. (Exercises from The Bradley Method handbook.)

4. Stretching. You know what stretching is and what your body needs so do whatever stretching you need for that day. Legs, arms, back. Goodness knows, my whole body gets all out of whack on a daily basis!

Exercises for a fussy baby or to help put baby to sleep

5. Squats. This one is good to do when your baby simply won’t let you sit. I tend to do these as a part of our nap time routine since he likes me to stand and bounce him anyway. Try doing 2 sets of 10 for each nap time and increasing as your baby gets older. They really add up when your baby is napping 3 times a day!

6. Lunges. Another unique way to hold your fussy baby who won’t let you put him down. So get up and get moving! 2 sets of 10 for each nap, increase number of sets as baby’s nap number decreases with age.

7. Torso Twists. Swaying with a baby is a great way to encourage them to take a nap. 20+ Torso Twists are just swaying with form and a duel purpose!

8. Walk or Pace. Can you tell I have a child that doesn’t like me to sit still? Get a step counter and see how many steps you can take around the house. Going outside for some sunshine will also be good for both you and your baby.

Exercises for the Couch Potato (Or Tired Parent)

9. Chest presses. Ok, ok significantly modified chest presses, but finally one you can do on the couch! Use your baby as your weight and lift him into the air doing reps.  As a bonus, you’ll probably get some smiles or giggles from your baby too! Each baby’s weight varies so how many can you do before your arms feel like Jell-O? (Remember, these weights naturally increase over time so be consistent or one day that baby’s heaviness may surprise you!) Be careful to hold him around the chest and not by the arms or stomach. Good head control is also a must before doing this one.

10. Leg lifts. Again modified, but we sleepy parents do what we can, when we can. Lower the leg support on your couch or La-Z-boy and do some leg lifts. 5 sets of 10 should do the trick (for each leg – oh come on, no complaining. We’re not that lazy!)

Share your story:

Can you think of other exercises you can do while holding or playing with your young baby? Share them with us!

“But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.”
1 Corinthians 9:27

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Before Parenthood

Before the birth of my son, I considered myself a fairly organized person. One might say my house is “lived in” but usually one wouldn’t say my house is “a mess” (I hope). Now that my son is here, any weakness I had previously has been brought to light.

One of these weaknesses is my propensity to forget to switch clothes from the washer to the dryer. My mother can attest that this has been a shortcoming of mine since childhood. Doing laundry with good intentions gone bad…or soured actually. Oops!

One of my husband’s weaknesses is how much he hates to do dishes…but we won’t go there.”

Wait a second, I thought this was supposed to be about a bedtime routine, not your shortcomings regarding housework!

Routine as a Necessity

Yes, well my point is that designing and implementing a routine is what has now become an absolute necessity. Whereas before, I could just use the last hour before my husband came home to spruce up the place and start dinner and things looked pretty decent around here. The truth is, even though my son is nearly 4 months old, I still don’t have an hour. Heck, I’m lucky if I had time to use the bathroom! (Every mother’s creed.)

Things have been getting easier though, as I figure out how to do once easy tasks with one hand. (Here’s a thought for a parenting class…make them do everything with one hand tied behind their back.) Two weeks ago I told my husband, “I’ve got this!” It was beautiful! Laundry was getting done and staying caught up. (Yay, some shirts without spit up on them!) Dishes were being caught up every day. I even started cooking and baking a little bit. I thought I had arrived.

Then all of a sudden, our no-longer-a-newborn son started to wake up every two hours. No big deal, right? Must be a growth spurt. A few days later and it was still happening. In fact, most nights he has been up EVERY HOUR but not super interested in eating! What is the deal?

Sleep Regression

So I started to ask questions online. Why is my 4 month old waking up every two hours? First dozen results proclaim: 4 month sleep regression. What is that? And WHY did no one tell me about it?

The 4 month sleep regression is basically this: As a newborn, a baby basically has one type of sleep – deep sleep. Now that baby is growing well and maturing and his sleep cycles start to become more like an adults, going through phases both light and deep sleep throughout the night. Except for one important factor, unlike adults, upon wakening out of light sleep, baby doesn’t know how to put himself BACK to sleep. He needs the same associations to put him to sleep that got him there in the first place. For bedtime ideas, click here.

In the case of my son, this means Mommy. To go further, this means Mommy must nurse me.

So I continued my research, begged people for advice, and chose my method of transition. The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I literally bought the book a couple days ago, so I’m still reading it. (I’m a fast reader, but remember that time I have very little of?)

Solid Bedtime Routine

However, one of the first things Pantley encourages is a solid bedtime routine. My husband and I had been doing some of the same things each evening, which always ended in my nursing our son to sleep, so we didn’t think much of the other things we did. We were reading to him because we want him to learn good communication skills and be smart. Now we also do it for the sake of the routine.

I cannot emphasize enough the power of a good bedtime routine no matter what sleep solution you prefer. In two nights, it has changed my baby’s sleep. It’s still not perfect, because we have lots more transitioning to do, but it HAS improved.

The important thing is to do the same thing each night in order. This helps cue your baby that it’s time for sleeping.

To remember exactly what we did and in what order, I wrote it down for my husband and me to reference. I was whisking the baby off to accomplish bedtime leaving my husband missing our son, so we’ve already tweaked it a bit so that my husband gets to wish our son a goodnight before I nurse him to sleep. (Because you don’t distract an eating baby. That may result in pain to Mommy and glares in Daddy’s general direction.)

There is so much I’m learning about my baby’s sleep. I’m gleaning a lot from this resource. And also important, I’m realizing the necessity of a good routine in all aspects of my life. We all function a little better (ok, maybe a lot better) when our lives have a bit more structure to them. Structure helps you get through the days you need to be more flexible without knocking the wind out of you.

So my goal this week, while I’m still learning to teach my son good sleep habits, is to work on creating and implementing a routine to help structure the rest of my life. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but I’m betting the dishes will get done.

Share with us:

How are you coping with your new life as a parent? How do you get things done?

“There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—”
Ecclesiastes 3:1

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If you missed it, read the beginning of this story, called “Finding Out I’m Pregnant.

How I Told My Husband He’s Going to Be a Father

After the shock wore off and I ceased gaping at the wonderful pee stick that announced the good news that I was, in fact, for the first time, pregnant, I set down the pregnancy test and skipped into the bedroom. I crawled in bed next to my husband, on HIS side, and said softly, “Honey, I’m pregnant.”

He stirred as my words sunk in. “Really?” he asked.

“Really!” I assured.

“Did you take it twice?” he murmured skeptically and not quite awake yet.

“No silly!” I said giving him a kiss. “You only have ‘1st morning urine’ once a day!”

The rest of the day went about as usual, with the exception of our complete distraction and giddiness. I remember my husband was working from home that day.  I spent most of the time in the office with him just so I could be close to him. We both worked quietly, sharing a glance and a smile now and then.

Eventually, we could no longer contain our joy or our silence. We started to talk about who we would tell and when. We knew that it was very early in the pregnancy. We had heard and knew many people that chose to wait for a certain milestone before making the announcement to others. As reasonable as this sounded, we just couldn’t wait! This was our miracle from God and somehow we knew He had granted us this child for the long haul. So we decided to tell our Mothers. We planned to tell his Mother first as she lived nearby and my then tell my Mother later that week, as she was coming to visit. (Good timing, eh?) With our first announcements decided, I set to work creating unique ways of telling them.

Telling His Mom

For his Mother we really outdid ourselves. I created a flyer of sorts with the details of the baby as we knew them. It wasn’t much, as we only knew the month and year the baby was due. As I completed my project, I was fairly pleased with myself and how it turned out. I thought I was finished, but my husband had the brilliant and creative idea to make it look like a piece of junk mail. So I set about part two of my project. Setting the dimensions of the envelope in Microsoft Publisher, I wrote out my mother-in-law’s address, with the words, “Urgent Notice” next to her name. I also wrote a fake return address in the top left corner. To make it look more “official”, I found a picture of a business mailer envelope that had the “Postage Paid” on it. I cropped that part out and pasted it on our “junk mailer”. Then I found a “Top Secret” stamp and put that on there too. I also typed in big red letters, “Open Immediately! Life Changing Event”. On the back of the envelope, I put a small, faded, grey picture of little baby footprints, thinking it would tip her off to the contents of the envelope.

We went over to her house that evening, and snuck the mailer into her mail pile, then feigned nosiness as we flipped through her mail and said, “Mom, what’s this?”

Barely looking it over, she said, “I don’t know. It’s junk. Throw it away!” (It was quite convincing.)  I stifled a giggle.

My husband said, “It might be important, Mom.” and handed the envelope to her.

She said, “It’s junk mail.” But began to open it, a little flustered with her son’s pushiness because she was trying to make dinner, and he wanted her to open this envelope. Upon seeing the footprints, she said, “Is this from the Pregnancy Crisis Center?” Then she continued to open it, none the wiser to our scheme.

She pulled out the flyer I made which contained some baby clip art, and asked, “Ready to be a Grandma? Baby Coming to a Son Near You, Fall 2016” It took her a while before it sunk in, then her eyes popped and her mouth dropped open as she looked at me (I was secretly snapping pictures of her with my phone) and said, “You’re Pregnant!” I nodded. “Oh my goodness!” Then she cried, but just like my husband and I had been all that day, she couldn’t stop smiling.

Telling My Mom

With the bar set high, I had a couple days to think up a creative way to tell my mother about my pregnancy. When she came into town, I had everything ready. She sat down on our sofa and I handed her a gift bag with the word “GRANDMA” in colorful, foam letters on it. (She thought it was for her mom, my Grandma.) I said, “Take a look.”

She opened the bag, finding one of my own Childhood Books inside. She opened it to find the insert I had made. It was another flyer which read, ”

Dear Grandma,

Mommy always enjoyed these books when she was a baby, so please read these to me when I arrive this fall.

Love always, your first Grandchild

Without missing a beat, she exclaimed, “REALLY?!”

“YES!” I affirmed.

“Aww!” she exclaimed as she also broke into tears of joy and gave me a hug.

 

My husband and I made other similar announcements to various family members. It was so much fun working together and thinking up unique ideas that catered to the individual we were telling.

Do you have a unique pregnancy announcement story you’d like to share?

“For this boy I prayed, and the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of Him.”
1 Samuel 1:27

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I was recently sent an article regarding a woman whose baby was struggling to nurse and basically starving because the baby could not physically remove milk from the breast. After much trial, the mother chose to formula feed. The article’s point? Fed is Best.

I would like to reiterate this point: Fed is Best. (And no I don’t mean the Federal government. I mean that a fed and full child is best. Yes, my mommy brain went there and was confused by the article until my smart brain kicked in.)

This article hit home for me because my son also struggled to nurse and for the first 4 weeks, before we put him on high-calorie formula, he was in fact, a failure to thrive baby.

For those Mommies out there like me who knew from the start of their pregnancy they wanted to breastfeed, and had the motto, “Breast is Best” ingrained in their minds. These Mom’s looked forward to breastfeeding and prepared for it while pregnant. They researched the heck out of it, they asked other Mommies about their experiences, and they, quite literally, dreamed about it. For Mothers who plan so thoroughly, it can be quite a blow when someone suggests putting your baby on formula.

Uh, ex-squeeze me? Did you say formula?

As my midwife put it, “Formula is not the devil.” Upon hearing these words, I rationally knew what she was saying, but emotionally my heart was saying, “But formula is bad.”

Let me say now, it really isn’t. And this is coming from the Mama who had to go take a shower to BAWL HER EYES OUT while my husband gave our baby his first BOTTLE of formula.

Mommies listen. Formula is not “bad”. It can nourish your baby. It can fill your baby’s tummy. It can keep your baby healthy. If you’re a new Mama who is needing to put your baby on formula, that’s ok. There was a time in my very recent past, I truly did not believe that, but it really is all right.

If you really want to, there is still the option to continue to breastfeed. Some options include:

  • Partial breastfeeding – While working towards your breastfeeding goals, but supplementing with formula or pumped breast milk, nursing can be done to still reap the wonderful benefits. The benefits are what sold us on it in the first place, right?
  • Exclusive pumping – If nursing your baby simply isn’t a possibility, some mothers choose to pump their breast milk and feed this to their babies in bottles. To read about efficient pumping, click here.
  • Exclusive formula feeding – This is a perfectly acceptable option. I know, love, and respect my dear friends and family members who have chosen this option.

Now those of you who know my story know that I did whatever it took to breastfeed as much as possible. For me, I used a combination of partial breastfeeding and pumping and worked toward the goal of exclusively breastfeeding. Those of you who KNOW me personally, know that I am as stubborn as they come. I had to constantly check myself to make sure I wasn’t being selfish in my desire to breastfeed. My decision was to salvage nursing using any means necessary. I had the time, determination, resources, and most importantly, the support (my dear, sweet husband is a Saint), to make it happen for my son and me. It was a very difficult path, but one I’m glad I took.

Now, this does not make me a “better” mother than Mama’s who choose to formula feed. These Mommies are amazing women, some of which I learn from every single day. Their wisdom and insight are what make me a better Mother than I could be without their experiences to pull from.

So if you are pregnant and starting your research into breastfeeding or if you are just starting your journey into motherhood, again or for the first time, you will hear over and over again, “Breast is Best” by many reputable organizations such as the La Leche League. There is some very helpful information to be gleaned here, but you will read about how any obstacle to breastfeeding can be overcome. While this is true the vast majority of the time, sometimes it just isn’t going to work and you may have to make a different choice. And THAT’S OK!

So, in the spirit of Fed is Best, here is my new motto: Hungry Baby is Bad. Formula is Good (Not Bad). Breast is Better. Fed is Best.

Remember, Happy, Healthy Baby. Happy, Healthy Mama.

Tell us your experience. How do you feed your baby?

“For thus says the LORD, “Behold, I extend peace to her like a river,
And the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream;
And you will be nursed, you will be carried on the hip and fondled on the knees.”
Isaiah 66:12

Read About My Breastfeeding Struggle:

Prayer, Perseverance, and the Path to 100% Breast Milk

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6 Tips and Tricks for Efficient Pumping
Oops, I Just Pumped and My Baby is Hungry

From Other Authors:

MumeeMagic.com’s The Benefits Of Breastfeeding For Both Mother And Baby

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The happiest day of my life.

The happiest day of my life after my wedding day and before the day my son was born, was the day I found out I was pregnant.

I have mentioned before that my husband and I had wanted to have a baby for quite some time. From the first time we agreed to try to conceive to the moment of that positive pregnancy test was nearly three years.

I had spent a week at work feeling tired and strangely out of breath. I remember telling my boss as I was cleaning one day that I felt weird and jokingly told her, “Ha! Maybe I’m pregnant!” She said, “You better take a test.” I laughed it off at the time, but the more I thought about it the more I realized I had never quite felt the way I did.

Oh sure, I’d started my period a few days earlier, but come to think of it… It WAS super light. Nothing to really empty from the diva cup. Just some spotting. Hmmm…could I really be pregnant?

I had taken pregnancy tests before when I had experienced a couple late periods. My husband had been disappointed before, just as I had, so I decided I wasn’t going to say anything to him this time unless the outcome was a joyful one.

Of course, it was this night that our second vehicle was in the shop and so my husband picked me up from work. On the way home I asked if he would stop by the local pharmacy so I could pick up a couple things.

“What are you getting?” He asked.

“Something for me,” I replied.

“You’re buying a pregnancy test, aren’t you?” How does he know that?

“Yes, but I wasn’t planning to say anything to you about it, so let me be.”

“You’ve taken like 30 of those things.” He sighed.

“No.” I argued. “I have taken 6. Two 3-packs in 3 years. That’s hardly 30.”

“Well, it seems like you’ve taken a lot. Are you sure you want to buy these now?”

“Yes, I have my reasons. Please make the stop on the way home, honey.” I requested.

He did, and I bought another 3-pack of Clear Blue Pregnancy Tests, promising 99% accuracy. I honestly tried not to think too much of it. He was right, they’d just been a waste of money every other time. Maybe I should just go home. But I continued in my mission.

Prepping for the Test

Once we got home, I showered away the work day, and followed my normal getting-ready-for-bed-routine, making a point to read the test directions before going to sleep. I knew I had to wait for that first morning urine to have the best results (despite what the test directions said), and I didn’t want to try to “hold it” while I fiddled with reading them the next morning.

I went to sleep that night the same as every night, not truly expecting anything to be different in the morning.

The next morning in the 6 o’clock hour, nature’s call woke me and I went into the bathroom. Groggy with the new day, I would have forgotten my mission from the night before, had my night owl wisdom not laid everything out for me.

Doing the pee-pee dance, I hurriedly snapped the cap off the test stick and set to work. I set the test behind me on the top of the toilet and went about washing my hands… and washing my face… and brushing my teeth…, not daring to go near the pee stick that was bound to herald bad news again.

The Results

Once my 3 minutes were up, I nonchalantly walked over and picked up the test.

PREGNANT.

What?! I looked again.

PREGNANT.

I stared at that one, simple word in utter shock as my eyes filled up with tears.

I smiled. I was pregnant!

[Hannah] made a vow and said, “O LORD of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a son, then I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life…”
1 Samuel 1:11a

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6 Tips and Tricks for Efficient Pumping

Your baby finally fell asleep! You want to pump and you only have 15 minutes because, let’s face it, you need a nap too. How can you get the best “bang for your buck” so to speak when it comes to pumping?

Keep reading for 6 tips on how to pump most efficiently.

1. Don’t get discouraged.

Let your body get used to pumping.

If you’re just starting out, you’re not going to get as much as you will once your body grows accustom to your pump. Our bodies weren’t designed to produce milk for a machine. They were designed to produce milk for the sweet, warm bundle of joy you nourish.

So keep at it. Once your body realizes it’s safe to letdown for your pump, it will. Though, under normal circumstances, you will never pump as much as your baby can transfer, so don’t get discouraged by the amount in the bottle either. Every drop of liquid gold is a blessing.

2. Relax.

There’s an element of instinct when it comes to milk production. In a flight or fight situation OR when you’re under stress, your breasts aren’t going to want to respond with the ample supply of milk that flows so well in response to happy hormones. So when it comes to pumping (and nursing too), it’s important to relax.

Grab a book, warm some tea, and, my favorite, eat a cookie. Favorite recipe here. You want to activate those lovely happy hormones (prolactin and oxytocin)  to get your milk flowing.

I’ll never forget when the LC came out to my home for the first time and showed me how to use my pump. We were manipulating the breast tissue in the pump and a loud pfft escaped. Like an adolescent, I cracked up laughing. I immediately had a letdown, which my LC attributed and announced was due to a lovely…boob fart.

3. Use the Correct Flange Size.

Usually pumps come with a standard flange which varies by brand. And let’s face it, boobs are not one size fits all and neither is the size flange, which is actually determined by the size of the nipple, not the breast.

Correct flange size is critical for comfortable pumping. Ideally, one should be able to use the highest setting on your pump for the purpose of drainage, without pain.

Flanges are too small if the nipple is being pinched or touches the wall of the flange. Small flanges cause problems with draining, not to mention a lot of pain.

Flanges are too large if breast tissue is being pulled up into the small cylindrical part of the flange. This can caused pinched ducts farther up the breast, which can also hinder proper draining of the breast.

Flanges that fit correctly will, first and foremost, be comfortable. With the breast shield in place, the nipple will  move easily as the pump stimulates and extracts the milk. The areola will constrict slightly (but not painfully – similar to when a baby nurses) which also aids in stimulating for optimum milk transfer.

Flanges of different sizes and for different pump brands can be purchased when the size provided with your pump doesn’t fit properly.

Keep in mind that the size of flange you need for one breast may differ from the size needed for the other. Get what you need! Don’t sacrifice your nipples!

I bought my Spectra flanges on Amazon, which also carries Medela, a very popular brand for pumping. Other brands of pumping accessories can also be found and purchased.

(Medela kits also work with hospital grade pumps, which you can rent at fairly reasonable costs. If you’re struggling with supply, using a hospital grade pump may be a help to you. Ask your LC!)

4. Make Certain the Nipple is Centered

This may seem easier said than done, especially when manipulating the breast and breaking suction can cause precious milk to leak out and make a mess.

In my experience, it’s best to get everything situated during the two minute stimulation phase, rather than the extraction phase.

Center the breast shield around your nipple. If necessary, move some of the breast tissue up into the shield a bit. This can help avoid “wandering nipples” as my lactation consultant calls them. (Experiment to be sure scrunching the breast tissue doesn’t hinder the flow and emptying of the breast.)

If one or both of your nipples look like it’s going off to one side (a.k.a. Wandering Nipples), slowly pull the breast tissue away from the direction it’s leaning. Be sure to hold the flange so that the whole thing doesn’t come off. Also be sure the milk flow is going down and away from your body so that if the suction does break, you aren’t mourning the loss of that precious liquid.

5. Be Handsy. Shake. Massage. Do Compressions.

What do I mean by handsy? Well, I mean get in there and see what makes your milk flow. Don’t be shy.

Shake.

Quite literally shake your breasts out before pumping (and nursing) to loosen the fatty milk in the ducts. This makes it easier to get the hind milk when you experience letdown and extract a great volume as well.

Breast massage.

Doing breast massage before pumping (and nursing) is also effective at loosening the milk in the ducts. Start up and out, away from your nipple and work down and in, towards the nipple in long, downward strokes. Don’t forget the tissue near your armpits as milk can be stored there as well.

Breast Compressions.

Using breast compressions can potentially increase the extracted volume of milk by 50% or more. Breast tissue can be found all the way up near your armpits, so get to squeezing and see what works the best. See technique here.

6. Twisted Nipple Trick

Say what?! Yes, you heard me but don’t go hurting yourself. Milk ducts don’t always form a nice straight line like anatomical diagrams may suggest. In fact, they can be a lot like a wet noodle, so sometimes changing the direction of the breast can help a bit.

To do the “twist”, simply take the flange and gently twist 90 degrees one way and then the other. See what happens.

This is not an exhaustive list of tricks while pumping, but it’s a start. Everyone is different so what works for one person may not work for another and vice verse, so don’t be afraid to experiment and see what works best for you!

Bonus Tip:

Use your nursing bra or camisole to hold your pump in place, so you can be hands free!

For all you seasoned pumpers, what tricks have you found helpful?

“If the LORD is pleased with us, then He will bring us into this land and give it to us—a land which flows with milk and honey.”
Numbers 14:8

Related Topics:
Oops, I Just Pumped and My Baby is Hungry

Read About My Breastfeeding Journey:
Prayer, Perseverance, and the Path to 100% Breast Milk

Read More